


House by the sea

by Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Doctor Harry, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mute Harry, Old Married Couple, Past Violence, Police Officer Louis Tomlinson, Separations, english is not my first language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:34:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23055541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: Louis was a good police officer , with a tragic past.A past that caused him to lose his family.Harry was a good doctor, with a tragic past.A past that caused his to lose himself.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 10
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

It was sunset, in front of the sea was sitting Harry looking at The waves , breathing the cold air, he knew it would upset his asthma lately but he didn’t care. He just kept staring at the sea, huge waves, the loudness of the waves hitting the shore. He loved the sea, he always did, that’s why he insisted to buy the house front of it. It took him everything he had to buy it, but he never regretted it. It was his safe place, the place he ran from the outside , where he tried to forget everything he lived before, all the hurt, all the pain. Everything.

When he told his best friends Niall and Zayn about buying this house, Naill made fun of him, he never believed that Harry styles, the Harry styles would leave everything behind and buy this house in the nowhere, he never believed that Harry would run this way and not fight, he couldn’t fight, he had no power to fight actually. He didn’t care.

Zayn on the other hand understood, he knew that was the best for Harry, that might help him live again, breath again, that might help him to be Harry again. His childhood friend, the one that was always happy and optimistic. That was long time ago, before what he saw, before the panic attacks, before the nightmares, before the pain and the sleepless night. Zayn understood, and Zayn helped.

Harry finally took a deep breath and stood up, “ Alby” his dog ran to walk after him.

Alby was a Dobermann black dog, Louis bought him two years ago, after what happened to Harry he couldn’t let Harry live by his own, Harry actually couldn’t live by his own, so when he saw the dog he loved him immediately, after all Harry needed to feel safe, to feel protected and that dog did the job perfectly.

When Harry reached his house, he took off his black coat, and he headed towards the phone, three messages it said.

He sighed and pressed the bottom to hear them while making himself something to drink.

The first message was from Gemma “ Hello Harry, it’s me again... your sister Gemma, do you still remember me?” he smiled while putting his dog food in its plate , and putting the plate on the ground.

“ I miss you Harry.. God I miss you so much, please, please send me.. Harry my son Mark birthday is in two days.. you promised you will come, he is so excited please, I am waiting" Then he heard peep.

He poured the hot water for his tea and he sat on the kitchen table while hearing the next message  
“ hello Harry..” he smiled , it was Niall

“ buddy please, get yourself a new cell phone, I am begging you, make me your only contact , I am worried about you man” Niall sighed “ I am calling to check on you, I am coming to take you to your nephew’s birthday, I promised Gemma and she will kill me, please send me when you feel you can"

Harry stood up to bring some water and to take his medicine , he poured some water in the glass when.He heard the third message

“ hello Harry”

That was it, Harry dropped that glass and it shattered into million pieces on the ground “ it’s Louis..”

Harry felt he couldn’t breath, and all the world was spinning, and he wanted to hide

“ I know I promised you and your doctor not to call you, and I swear I tried to keep my promise"

Harry’s body was shaking violently that he fell on the ground and he hurt his hand with the broken glasses, he didn’t feel the pain he was just trying to breath it was hard, his dog was parking and moving around him , Harry could hear him but he couldn’t look at him.

“ but .. I can’t any more Harry, it had been two years Harry, please.. I need to see you, please I am begging you"

Harry hugged his knees, he knew he was having a panic attack, he tried to hold himself still but he failed, he rocked himself back and forth , but it was getting harder, he couldn’t breath, he was crying and he couldn’t see anything ,it was just darkness and black around him, he was closing his eyes shut trying to escape, but he was failing, all he could hear now was Ably's continuous parks.

Harry didn’t count the minutes, he didn’t have to , he knew it was taking seven minutes, he couldn’t move, he was paralyzed and that was the worst part, because right now he needed his inhaler and he couldn’t move.  
He was gaining his senses back slowly, but still it was a struggle to breath, he was wheezing and he knew he was about to lose his conscious now , but he couldn’t hear Alby anymore.

Suddenly he felt his inhaler between his mouth, and someone screamed

“ breathe Harry .. come on”

He didn’t think twice, he knew he was still not able to move his hand, so while he was given the puffs he was trying to inhale , he knew his life was depending on those puffs and he would do his best to take them.

Harry didn’t know how much time had passed, he didn’t know if he slept or not, but he knew he was still on the floor, and someone was still with him,

Slowly he opened his eyes , and then he heard  
“ feeling better?”

He looked beside him and there was Zayn smiling softly at him, Harry closed his eyes again, Zayn was here , he was safe again

“ can you move now?”

Harry tried to move his limbs and thanks God they responded, so slowly he nodded his head “ good.. that’s good”

Yeah, maybe that was good.

“ I see you cooked?” Zayn asked, Harry smiled still closing his eyes, he then nodded,

“ the smell is amazing.. so what if you go and take a warm shower while I prepare the food and clean that mess"

Harry nodded, he pressed his eyes with his fingers when Zayn gasped  
“ God Harry, you are bleeding"

Harry looked at where Zayn was looking, his hand was bleeding, he kept looking at it and was wondering how come he wasn’t feeling the pain? Maybe because it was a small cut? Maybe because he had seen worse? A simple cut felt like nothing compared to bullets or stabs or .... okay Harry , stop it right now.

“ we should clean this" Zayn said holding Harry’s hand between his hands.

Zayn helped Harry to stand up, his legs were still week and Zayn supported most of his weight, they walked to the bathroom, and he helped Harry to sit on the closed toilet,

“ okay.. we need to clean it first" Harry nodded and let Zayn did all the work, after all he was a doctor too.  
When Zayn finally finished, Zayn sighed and looked at Harry “ okay, now have a bath and we will change the dressing later"

Again Harry nodded, Zayn looked at Harry deeply “ you will be okay?”

Again Harry nodded, but this time he avoided looking at him. Zayn finally sighed and left the bathroom, closing the door behind.

Harry stayed on his place watching his hand, then he put it down away from his sight, it brought awful memories. He took a deep breath and then he stood up .  
******  
When Harry went to the kitchen again, Zayn was on the phone and smoking some cigarette outside, he saw Harry through the window and he immediately turned off his cigarette and entered again.

Harry sat on the table looking at the two plates in front of him.

Zayn put a notebook and a pen beside Harry before he sat in front of him. And Harry knew Zayn was expecting an explanation

Harry looked at Zayn , Zayn said “ better?”

Harry nodded,  
“ panic attack?”

Again Harry nodded,

Zayn also nodded , then he took his fork to start eating, Harry’s favourite dish , meat balls and pasta.

After swallowing his first bite , Harry started to eat too.  
“ they are asking about you at the hospital”

Harry didn’t look at Zayn, he didn’t respond at all.  
“ they are saying it would be better if you tried to come back again, that it would help"

Harry sighed and put the fork down, Zayn looked at him

“ look I know you didn’t gain your full control on your hand... But give it a shot Harry.. It has been two years"

Harry looked at his hand that was shaking now.  
“ you must help yourself to get better , please" Zayn said it softly now.

Harry took a deep breath, he then held the pen and wrote on a paper of the notebook “ he called"

Zayn looked at what Harry wrote , then he looked at Harry confused

“ he? Who is he?” then his eyes opened wide “ he?   
Louis?”

Harry nodded,

“ what the heck.. what did he need?”

Harry wrote “ see me"

Zayn looked at the paper then at Harry “ God.. is that why you panicked?”

Harry slightly nodded,

Zayn put his hand on Harry’s “ I knew he would do this , he promised”

Harry didn’t move, Zayn “ do you want to see him?”

Harry shook his head, Zayn nodded and squeezed his hand softly

“ then we won’t.. okay? You will be okay"

Harry’s tears were on his cheeks now, Zayn sighed  
“ you won’t meet him I promise.. you will be fine"

Harry nodded and he dried his tears, while Zayn was just looking at his friend helplessly , he felt awfully weak and he wanted to do something, but he didn’t know what to do, cause whatever he would do wouldn’t help Harry, wouldn’t erase his memory, wouldn’t help him to forget what he saw and what he had been through.


	2. Chapter 2

Zayn didn’t want to leave Harry that night, he knew how shaken he would be for the rest of the night, but he had to , he had a shift in the hospital, and the drive from Harry’s house to the hospital takes two hours.

Harry promised him he would be okay and he would sleep. Eventually Zayn left Harry but he was covered with worries no matter how Harry tried to convince him he would be okay.

He wasn’t.

Harry was still shaking when he lied on the bed, he looked at his hands and they were still trembling badly. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. The light was still on, the light was always on ever since that incident and Harry sleeps with lights on, he couldn’t stand the darkness, it always brought the memories.

He opened his eyes again, he realized he wouldn’t be able to sleep alone, he sat in his bed and opened the drawer of the nightstand next to him and he took his sleeping pills bottle.

He looked at it and was calculating what to do, he knew if he took the pills he would have a deep and calm sleep, but he would be a zombie in the next day, and if he didn’t take them, he would have a light sleep full of awful nightmares. He couldn’t stand the nightmares. He took the pills.

******  
Harry didn’t leave his house for the early morning walk the next day, he didn’t wake up early, it was too late. 

instead he took his hot tea at his house terrace looking at his dog who was parking calmly beside him.

His head was hurting him and he felt sleepy again, his muscles ached , his joints ached, but he was okay, his mind was at least clear, he was breathing normally and he wasn’t thinking of anything.

It was until the phone rang again, he looked at his house door not blinking but still not panicking. He decided to ignore.

Three minutes later and the phone went off again, his dog was parking loudly so he decided to see who was calling him.

He entered his house and he heard the last of the message “ please send me anything” it was Gemma. 

He took a deep breath and then he entered the kitchen to put the cup in the sink.

The phone went off again, what was wrong with Gemma, he moved and he picked up the phone and  
put it on his ears

“ hello.. Harry?”

Harry didn’t move, he didn’t blink  
“ baby please listen to me, I know you don’t speak but..”

Harry hanged up , and then he disconnected the line. He looked at the phone then he grabbed it and smashed it on the floor.

Then he opened the fridge and took a bottle of water , then he left the house for a late walk on the sea.

******

When he returned back three hours later, he saw Niall sitting in the front door steps and beside him a large birthday box. Harry sighed when he saw him and walked faster towards him.

Niall noticed him he jumped up

“ where the hell have you been.. it’s getting late"

Harry tried to smile , he opened the door which was of course not locked and entered the house followed by Niall.

Niall set the box on the table next to the door, and he walked behind Harry to the kitchen. When they entered the kitchen Niall didn’t move , he was looking at the smashed phone, then he looked at Harry  
“ what happened?”

Harry looked at Niall then he looked down on the floor, “ are you okay? Something happened?” Niall asked nervously .

Harry moved to sit on the table, followed by Niall.  
Niall looked at him eyes full of dread, Harry finally sighed and took the pen that was still on the table from last night , he wrote

“ he called me again"

Niall looked at the paper and then at Harry, still panic in his eyes,

Harry huffed then wrote “ Louis”

Niall looked at the paper and gasped “ lou? He called you?”

Harry nodded

“ fuck” he looked at the paper again “ he called again? Did he call before?”

Harry again nodded and then wrote “ yesterday”

Niall didn’t say anything at the start , then “ what did he want?”

Harry wrote “ see me"

Niall chuckled sarcastically “ yeah, good luck with that"

Harry didn’t move he was looking at Naill, Niall looked at him then he turned to his soft side “ were you okay when he called?”

Harry looked down then he shook his head, he wrote “ panicked"

Niall bit his lower lip to control his anger, he was about to leave when Harry held his hand to stop him , Naill looked at him and Harry shook his head .

Niall sighed, he was going to give louis a call, he was going to yell at him and tell him not to call again.

Niall sat again, and took a deep breath, he pinched his nose bridge , then he looked at Harry

“ are you okay now?”

Harry only shrugged, Niall “ okay.. come on let’s go for lunch"

Harry shook his head, Niall sighed “ come on Harry, please .. have some fun yeah? I bought you Mark's present , let’s just have some fun" Again Harry shook his head.

Niall sighed “ okay.. what do you want to do?”

Harry shrugged, Niall smiled “ how about watch a movie and order some pizza?”

Harry nodded, Niall “ let’s call Zayn yeah?”

Harry again nodded, Niall nodded “ okay.. you go pick a movie and I will order the pizza and call Zayn"

Niall left and moved outside the house, Harry was watching him through the window, Naill must was talking to Zayn he looked angry and he was yelling. Harry sighed, he knew what was that about, he wasn’t kid, he was nearly twenty six now and he was a decent doctor, he was.

He left his seat and moved to the living room, he was looking through the dvds , when he noticed a specific DVD, the lion king, he held it and he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then he saw him, a small kid nearly five years old, wearing his favourite t-shirt , holding his favourite teddy bear and looking at Harry smiling

“ are you okay?” asked Niall

Harry startled , he then put the DVD down but Niall saw what he was holding, he then moved closer and looked at the DVD

“ you are still having those" he smiled looking at the DVD “ it was his favourite”

Harry nodded and then he gave Niall another DVD and walked away to sit on the couch.

Niall looked at Harry and then he put the lion king DVD down and he smiled “ pizza is on the way"

Harry nodded , he tried to smile but he couldn’t, he tried to hold his tears but also he couldn’t, he wiped his tears away , and took a deep breath.

Niall was only watching him, but he turned to play the DVD and then he sat beside him to wait for the pizza.  
******  
Next day, was the birthday , Niall and Harry arrived late as usual, Gemma wasn’t angry, on contrary, she was glad he was there, she hugged him for long and kissed his forehead. She looked at him in the eye, she was crying

“ I missed you Harry..”

He smiled and wiped her tears with his finger, she hugged him again and then she smiled  
“ thank you for coming , it will mean a lot for Mark”

He smiled again, then Gemma called Mark, Harry took the box from Niall, the small curly head showed up running and he hugged Harry’s legs.

Harry knelt and then he hugged him tighter, mark was special, Mark was Tom's friend. Mark looked at him  
“ I missed you uncle Harry.. where have you been?”

Harry only smiled and kept looking at Mark with a glassy eyes , Mark patted his shoulder  
“ it’s okay uncle Harry I know you still can’t talk, but you will be okay"

Harry heard Gemma gasping behind him but he ignored, he just smiled and then he gave him his box, Mark took it excitedly and he sat on the floor and opened the box, it was a big car with a remote control, he shouted in happiness

“ oh my God.. thank you, thank you uncle Harry .. oh my God"

Then he hugged Harry again tightly this time,

“ do you like it?” Gamma asked her son sitting beside them, he looked at her “ of course mom..”

Gemma smiled “ okay.. now go and show it to your friends"

He took the box and gave Harry a kiss on his cheek and then he left running. Gemma was watching Harry , she saw that he was trying to hold back his tears, then she held his hand and squeezed softly , he looked at her she was also in tears she whispered “ thank you”   
and he nodded smiling at her.

“ okay.. time for the cake"

She stood up and left to the kitchen while Harry was saying hi to Gemma's husband, and some friends.  
During the cake and the singing happy birthday songs, Harry saw him again, looking at him , smiling and hugging his teddy bear. Harry looked down and when he looked again , he vanished.

Harry looked around him and he couldn’t take it anymore, he knew his mind was playing tricks on him, he knew he wasn’t there, he couldn’t be there. Harry left them singing, and he walked outside to the house garden, he tried to breath , that wasn’t the right time for panic, he pleaded himself to hold his shit together.  
He was trying to take a full breath when he saw someone standing in front of him on the garden, they both were looking at each other in shock, in panic, What was he doing here? How was he here?

Harry took a few steps back but he trembled and fell down, Louis ran to give him a hand to help.  
But Harry looked at him eyes full of dread, he crawled back trying to run away

“ please calm down.. I am not gonna hurt you"

Then Harry stood up shaking , he was fighting to breath, but every thing was failing him now, his lungs, his eyes, his all senses.

He was going to fall again, but this time Louis could hold him, Harry looked at him , he looked at his eyes , then he heard , screams

Louis was screaming, Harry was screaming.  
“ don’t touch him please" Louis was begging ,

But the screams kept going, it wasn’t real, Harry knew it wasn’t real, he knew his mind again was tricking him.

He looked at Louis , and he believed he saw tears, but everything was failing him now , he felt he was losing control.

Then darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

“ please Gemma let me just see him"

Louis begged Gemma, after Harry passed out, Louis called for help, Gemma , Niall and Gemma's husband ran towards him. Niall tried to wake Harry up but all the tries were in vain. They held Harry and put him in Gemma's room while Louis waited outside.

“ you promised Louis, you won’t show up... just see him no direct contact” Gemma said drying her tears.

Louis asked Gemma to see Harry several times, she promised him in the right time she will tell him, so when Mark's birthday was around, she called Louis and told him to come, and also begged him not to show himself to Harry , just see him from distance.

“ he just showed up Gem I swear, I wasn’t planning to make any appearance” Louis answered begging “  
please, if he still sleeping let me have a look"

Gemma sighed then she looked down “ I can’t, I can’t risk it again"

“ oh God" Louis sighed.

He walked towards her and stood right in front “ please Gemma... he is still my husband”

Gemma nodded “ I know.. But I can’t, I mean if I know this would happen I wouldn’t even call you"

Louis bit his lower lip “ okay, I understand.. But please .. don’t do this to me.. It has been two years  
Gemma please, I am dying here"

Gamma didn’t move, she just shook her head, Louis sighed “ I was there too"

He looked at Gemma “ I was there too, I lost my son too... I was there , I saw him bleeding, I saw him being shot, I saw him drowning I revived his fucking heart"

He snapped the last few words that Gemma winced at the words, she closed her eyes shut trying to erase the awful memories.

“ I am sorry" Louis sighed , he pinched his nose bridge “ I am so sorry..”

He stopped talking for a few minutes to control his tempers  
“ but ... I have been living through hell for those two years..I was living this nightmare over and over again praying that he would finally be okay, I want him back .. I want him back in my life, I wAnt him okay again"

Gemma spat shockingly “ he will never be okay again..”

Louis flinched at that “ look at him, he can’t even say a word.. He can’t control himself, he has panic attacks nearly every day"

“ I can help” louis tried whispering, he begged

“ you can’t.. no one can Louis, it’s over"

Louis stopped talking, Gemma whispered “ he is broken and no one can bring the pieces back"

She wiped her tears “ please, just go.. He had enough for one day"

With that Louis had to leave, he had to leave because he had no other choice, he saw what he did to Harry.

He caused him a panic attack, Harry couldn’t take it anymore . Louis left Gemma's house heart shattered n into million pieces , he missed Harry so much, he wanted to see him badly, to touch him again, it killed him how Harry reacted, he saw panic on Harry’s eyes , he was told that Harry wasn’t himself after what happened, but seeing him this way was so much awful.

It was his fault, Louis kept telling himself it was his fault, and he knew he would never forgive himself for this, if it wasn’t for him then Harry would be okay, he would be okay, Tom also would be okay and alive.

Louis entered his house later that night after spending two hours wandering in the streets with his car, going to no where , he wanted to see Harry badly for the last two years, he did saw him multiple times before, sometimes he would see him walking by the sea with Alby, but he never had the gut to show himself, Harry’s doctor told him not to do this, it would lead to bad consequences and he had to obey the doctor's orders.

He cried himself to sleep this night, and he hated that. He promised himself when he buried Tom that he won’t cry again, that there was nothing in this life that could bring tears again to his eyes. But he failed himself. how could he not cry after seeing Harry this way, that wasn’t Harry the one who he married, that one who he loved. That was someone else, and this Harry was his fault.

******

Next morning when Louis wake up he felt terrible headache pounding in his skull, his eyes would fall away from its sockets and he wanted to threw up once he opened his eyes.

He lazily left his bed and took a cold shower, took two headache pills on empty stomach, then he headed directly to the kitchen after wearing his clothes. He was drinking his tea trying to distract himself from last night by reading the newspaper, where the door bell went off.

He raised his one eyebrow, who visits him at this time in the morning, he wasn’t working today and of course it wasn’t Liam, when the door bell rang again he moved to the door and he opened it then he froze.

Right in front of him was Harry , standing looking back at Louis, and then he looked down.

Louis finally could find his voice “ Harry? What.. are you okay?” he was lost in words, he didn't believe his eyes  
Harry slowly nodded still looking down, Louis looked around him for any sign of anyone else, no one was here except for Harry .

“ come on in" Louis opened the door wide and to his surprise Harry walked inside,

Louis was still on a huge shock when he closed the door , and he won himself some seconds to gain himself back. When he turned to face Harry , Harry was still looking down avoiding looking at him

“ er.. how.. shit” Louis cursed under his breath and then he took a deep breath, trying to rearrange his thoughts again “ are you sure you are okay?”

Harry again nodded, Louis was still watching him, Harry was shaking, and he was obviously nervous, but he was nothing like last night

“ oh..where are my manners, would you like some tea?”

Again Harry surprised him by nodding, Louis “ okay.. you can wait here" he pointed at the living room “ or you can come with me"

When Harry didn’t move, Louis decided to move and to walk himself to the kitchen.

When he pressed the kettle, he saw Harry entering the kitchen and sitting on the table, he was looking at nothing but a spot on the table and he didn’t move his eyes.

Louis looked at him “ did anyone know you are here?” 

Harry shook his head, Louis bit his lip “ should I call anyone?” Again Harry shook his head.

Louis poured the hot water to Harry’s cup, and then he gave it to him, but Harry didn’t move his hand so Louis put the cup in front of him.

Louis sat beside him and he couldn’t move his eyes away from him “ I am sorry about last night..”

Louis started, “ it wasn’t supposed to happen this way"

Harry didn’t move, then it hit Louis “ shit” he left his seat, and he opened the drawer behind him and he put out a pen and small notebook

“ I am sorry" he said while putting them in front of Harry.

Louis sat again and he looked at Harry, and he didn’t know how much he missed him, he wanted to hug him close , to feel him, to breath him again. He looked at his hair, Harry lost his curls now, he didn’t raise his hair longer since the incident, he looked at his eyes , still green but not alive, dead was the word to explain how his eyes looked, Louis hated how they looked , he wanted to do anything if he could to bring his eyes back to life, but he knew there was nothing to do.  
“ I missed you Harry” Louis said

Harry didn’t move, Louis moved his body closer to him “ I missed you so much Harry .. please look at me"  
Harry didn’t,

“ baby please, I know .. I know it’s hard but just look at me.. I am begging you"

Nothing

“ I know you suffered a lot, I know you still suffer.. But please .. don’t.. don’t push me away again, no more"

he tried to touch Harry’s hand, but Harry flinched and moved his hand away. Louis took his hand back looking at Harry with eyes full of tears , then he nodded and raised his hands up

“ okay.. no touch"

Harry finally took the pen and wrote down  
“ divorce”

Louis looked at the paper and then at Harry, eyes opened wide “ what? You need divorce?”

Harry nodded, Louis “ are you kidding? I waited for you, for two years and you come here now to ask for a divorce?”

Harry didn’t move, Louis was getting angry, everything was going wrong, his life was already fucked up and loosing Harry meant the end for Louis

“ are you serious?”

Harry didn’t move, Louis “ look at me for God sake"

Louis snapped at Harry, and again Harry flinched, Harry tried to take a deep breath and Louis knew something happened

“ I am sorry.. okay I am so sorry" he said frantically “ but a divorce? Harry now? Please .. I can’t”

Harry closed his eyes and Louis didn’t know was it another panic attack or was he just trying to avoid looking at him.

“ Harry.. please listen to me.. I know you are hurt baby okay.. I know that, I understand .. I was there I saw what happened.. I saw what they did to you and I know it was all my fault.. and I am sorry” his voice was shaking now 

“ but please.. don’t do this.. Harry I won’t make it alone.. I swear to  
God.. if I lose you my life would mean absolutely nothing to me"

Then Louis saw tears falling on Harry’s cheeks, he spontaneously wiped the tears with his fingers, but once he touched Harry’s face , Harry turned into panic state.

He opened his eyes wide, he looked at Louis, then he left his seat, trying to breath, Louis knew he was struggling due to the sounds he was making .

Louis jumped up his seat and headed towards him, he put his hand on his back but Harry flinched for the third time by Louis’s touch and he moved away panicking from Louis, he tripped on his feet and he fell on the ground, he hugged his knees and he buried his face between them and his body was shaking violently.  
Louis watched and he didn’t know what to do, he sat beside Harry looking frantically at him, he was going to touch him again but at the last minute he took his hand back again

“ tell me what to do? Harry please.. I want to help you but I don’t know how.. please.. let me help"

Louis was losing his mind, he was staring at Harry who was shaking and he felt helpless and hopeless.

Finally it clicked in his mind he frantically put out his Phone from his pocket and dialled a number “ halo”

“ zayn ... it’s Louis.. I need your help" Louis said.  
******

Ten minutes later Zayn came and took Harry, Louis didn’t know if Harry was out of the attack or not during this time, he didn’t leave Harry’s side but he also didn’t talk, he just sat by Harry looking at him checking if the man was breathing or not.

When Zayn came he didn’t talk, he just headed towards the kitchen where Harry was , Harry was either sleeping or unconscious when Zayn held him and took him out to His car, Louis told him to call him when Harry became better and Zayn promised he would.  
It took Louis an hour to gain himself back, and once he did he took his keys and his Phone and left the house.  
In liam's office, Louis was sitting in front of Liam, he was nervous and he was shaking .

“ a divorce? You want to divorce Harry?” Liam asked looking at him

Louis took a deep breath “ he wants this"

Liam confused “ and how did you know? Did he tell you this?”

“ yes"

Liam was still confused “ I don’t understand..”

Louis huffed “ he came"

“ who came?”

Louis losing his patience “ Harry.. He came this morning to my house and he told me.. well he wrote down he wants a Divorce because he can’t fucking talk"

Liam was watching his old friend, he knew how hard those past two years were for him, but divorcing Harry wasn’t the cure

“ and you will give up easily?” liam asked trying not to make him more angry

“ give up?” Louis chuckled

“ yes Louis give up.. you will divorce him just because he wants it.. of course he wants it.. actually I was wondering when will he do it.. But I believe he needs more that this"

Louis was angry now “ I don’t care what you believe in Liam... you are my fucking lawyer you will do what the fuck I want, and right now I want this"

Liam was looking at Louis still calm “ no"

“ no?”

Liam nodded “ I won’t.. I won’t do this.. you need him and hell he needs you”

Louis closed his eyes “ he doesn’t need me..”

“ you don’t know that"

Louis yelled “ I don’t need to know" then he left his seat , still angry “ I ruined him .. no Liam I  
destroyed him.. he doesn’t need me anymore. He can’t talk.. He can’t even look at me, every time he sees me he has a panic attack.. I did this to him" Liam stood too “ wasn’t your fault”

“ of course it was ..God.. It was , I did this"

“ you didn’t know”

“ I risked my family.. I caused my son to get killed and I almost lost my husband..” he chuckled hysterically “  
who am I Kidding? I lost my husband.. I lost him"

He then stopped talking when he felt tears were now on his cheeks. And Liam was staring at him .  
He calmed

“ he doesn’t need me.. he needs a new start, a new life.. and he wouldn’t be able to do this if I was around, even his doctor doesn’t want me to see him and last night I guess I knew why"

He looked at Liam “ every time he looks at me he remembers.. the pain , the blood, he remembers  
Tom and honestly.. It would be unfair for him to keep living this life this way"

Liam was listening, every word hurt, he loved Harry , don’t get him wrong, he adored the curly headed man, but he loved Louis more, and even if Harry chose to deal with his loss and tragic life this way, Louis was also suffering but he was alone

“ what about you?” Liam asked softly

Louis looked at him, and for a minute he didn’t talk, then “ it doesn’t matter.. I just.. I want him to be okay, for me.. for Tom”

Louis was leaving when Liam called his name “ Louis.. wait"

Louis didn’t turn to look at Liam “ if you don't’t do it, I can find myself a million lawyer who would love to help”

Liam looked at his friend back “ no, don’t.. I will do it, I will give him the divorce he needs"

Louis closed his eyes “ I don’t need anything, give him the house, the money everything” 

“ Louis..”

“ when you are done.. tell me"

Then he left the office closing the door behind him and believing he was giving Harry the closure he needed.


	4. Chapter 4

“ I took my pills again"

First thing Louis said to his therapist. After leaving liam's office he called his therapist who he stopped seeing him for three months now, but at this time he felt he must see him. His therapist told him he had free hour first thing in the following morning. And that what Louis exactly did.

Louis was sitting in the very comfortable sofa but he looked very uncomfortable, he was nervous , rubbing his two hands together and resting his elbows on his thighs , and looking down .

The doctor was sitting in front of him, observing his body movement carefully, then he wrote down some words on the file he had in his hand. He put the pen down and he looked at Louis.

“ okay.. why did you do that?” he said calmly.

Louis huffed in frustration then said “ we met"

The doctor waited for more. Louis continued “ actually I called him twice .. and then we met"

The doctor nodded “ so he accepted seeing you?”

Louis didn’t move, then he took a deep breath “ no.. He didn’t even want to talk to me, he wasn’t supposed to see me"

The doctor nodded when he saw him so agitated “ okay.. and what happened when you met him?”

Louis shrugged

“ you have been seeing him a lot haven’t you?”

Again he shrugged, the doctor sighed “ okay.. what did he do when he saw you?”

“ what do you think he did? He panicked"

The doctor didn’t talk, Louis sighed “ next thing , he showed at my place..”

The doctor “ that sounds good”

Louis almost snapped “ I guess not, he asked for a divorce”

The doctor watched Louis for a minute before he talked “ what did you feel when you saw him?”

Louis looked at him , the doctor continued “ everyone was scared for Harry if he meets you.. But I want to know about you.. how did you feel?”

Louis sighed and then he looked down “ I freaked out...I.. I didn’t know I would be like this.. But he was finally there right in front of me, but he was .. not him, he was scared .. I caused him a fucking panic attack and he passed out and I couldn’t help, I didn’t even move like I was paralyzed.. I stayed there watching Niall and Gemma helping him trying to wake him up.. I just couldn’t”

He was so nervous and angry, he was angry at himself because he knew he was the reason for all this, no matter what they said he believed he was the reason

“ give your self a break Louis.. of course it would be hard for you.. you also suffered”

Louis shook his head, the doctor ignored “ it was not your fault”

“ stop saying this" he said gritting his teeth leaving the couch angrily “ stop telling me it wasn’t my fault.. because it was, actually all what is happening is my fault ... He is like this because of me, it was my case.. they wanted their revenge from me , they wanted to hurt me and they did. They killed my son for God sake , so this is my fault... they almost killed him"

The doctor was still watching him “ okay... It was your fault, but don’t you think you paid for it, you have lost enough Louis so stop blaming yourself, stop feeling sorry for him and for yourself, you should pull yourself together and decide what to do"

Louis was looking at him, he then nodded , he sat again on his seat “ I know what I will do, I will give him the divorce he needs"

“ are you sure it is the right decision?

Louis nodded “ for him it is.. But not for me"

“ and what is the best for you Louis?"

Louis chuckled “ to get back together again? to start a new family again.. adopt another kid and live again together, Harry gets his job back , I work again at the fields .. this is the best for me"

The doctor nodded, Louis took a deep breath and closed his eyes “ I know it will never happen” 

“ why not?”

Louis shook his head “ I don’t think Harry will ever forgive me"

“ I think he will forgive you when you start forgiving your self"

Louis sighed “ my son is dead because of me"

The doctor stopped talking, he looked at the paper back and then at Louis “ why are you here Louis?  
Why do you need my help"

Louis looked down “ I am scared”

“ of what?”

“ all these two years.. I believed there was a reason for my life, I believed I was survived that day for a purpose”

“ which is?”

“ helping Harry.. But what I saw made me believe he is better off me, I saw panic in his eyes I couldn’t touch him without causing him troubles.. He doesn’t need me and that scares me"

“ why Louis?”

“ because I still need him in my life, I need him back I need to feel something, it’s hard to lose them both, I can’t”

The doctor finally nodded in understanding, he looked down at his paper when he saw Louis wiping his tears away.

*******

When Louis went home later that night he saw Zayn was waiting for him outside his house, his heart dropped when he saw Zayn's face and his mind ran directly to Harry, he was scared that might something bad had happened to Harry.

“ what’s wrong?” first thing Louis asked

Zayn left the stairs he was sitting on it waiting, and he walked to hug Louis tightly.

Louis was totally confused, then Zayn looked at him “ I missed you"

Louis freeing himself “ okay what is going on?”

Zayn sighed “ can we talk inside?”

Louis finally nodded and opened the door for both of them.

Louis hadn't seen Zayn ever since the accident, it happened some how without any agreement, during Harry’s recovery, Harry spent two months at the hospital, and during this two months, doctors assured that Louis wouldn’t show up to Harry, every time Louis saw Harry, Harry would break down and required some sedatives that knocked him down for days, so eventually the doctors agreed that Louis must not see Harry ever again, it was at least until he gets better, it didn’t happen any time soon.

Zayn was Harry's best friend , so he didn’t leave Harry’s side, and when they come into agreement that Louis couldn’t see Harry again, Zayn was always there to make sure that Louis would keep his promise.

“ I am sorry” Zayn said drinking a sip from his tea  
Louis was still confused, Zayn “I know I was trying to protect Harry from you, but when you called him this morning.. When I saw you I realized that you also care for him.. I mean I never forgot how much he means for you but ..”

He was nervous that he couldn’t find the right words. Louis made it easier for him , he put his hand on his “ it’s okay, I understand"

Zayn took a deep breath “ he is finally getting a little better, he lives by his own now.. His nightmares is nearly over, he laughs he communicates, we just wait for him to talk"

Louis nodded, it hurt so much what Zayn just said but at least it was a huge progress, he still remembered how Harry was at the start, he would stare blankly at nothing for days, nothing came out of him other than tears, he was trapped in his own mind, and the nightmares never let him alone.

“ don’t divorce him"   
Zayn said

Louis looked at him shocked, Zayn “ I know he asked for this.. But don’t, he needs you, he still doesn’t know that, but he needs you to get better"

“ Zayn.. I don’t think he does"

Zayn shook his head, Louis “ I don’t know how to help.. He is scared from me"

Zayn nodded “ for now.. But he needs more that this, he needs to see you”

“ he panics every time we meet"

“ not forever..”

“ I don’t want to hurt him"

“ if you divorced him.. you would, he was scared from you but yet he came to your house by his  
own"

“ he freaked out"

“ give him time Louis.. "

Louis stopped talking, he closed his eyes “ don’t make it harder for me Zayn"

Zayn took a deep breath “ I am not, I am just trying to save my friend, let me help you, please, let's just try"

" what If it made him worse"

" you were his safe place Louis.. you must gain this back"

Louis looked at Zayn and then looked down, that was right, Louis was his safety, but he wasn't sure if he was still his safety or not. Not after what happened.


	5. Chapter 5

When Harry opened his eyes, he found himself on his bed, his head hurt like hell, and he could barely open his eyes. Then it hit him , he saw Louis and he asked for a divorce, he panicked and then all he could remember after was Zayn's face.

He knew it now, again he panicked, he hated himself for this, he convinced himself he was getting better, he felt he was getting better, but it seemed he was still scared from Louis.

He took a deep breath and he left his bed, and once he left his room, he heard sounds coming from downstairs. Good, so Zayn was still here.

He washed his face and then he walked down stairs to the kitchen where the sounds were coming from. When he entered he saw Niall instead.

Great!! 

Niall was already stirring something on the stove, of course his infamous soup. When Niall felt Harry behind him he turned and smiled at him nervously

“ good morning Harry.. slept well?”

Harry saw how nervous Niall was, Niall was always nervous after what happened to Harry, he was always uptight and edgy, sometimes talking with him was hard. Harry appreciated his existence but sometimes he felt it was too much for Harry , he didn't need nervous Niall at the time.

Harry couldn’t blame him , actually he was grateful for him. After Harry was rescued Niall was always there taking care of him during his stay at the hospital and when he even left the hospital , Harry couldn’t get back to his old house so It was Niall who welcomed him with opened arms to his house. Harry stayed with Niall for nearly five months then he decided to buy the house he lives in it now. And even after buying the house which was two hours away from Niall, he didn't stop visiting him and taking care of him.

Harry smiled and sat on the table, Niall sat beside him and Harry knew he was examining him  
“ do you need breakfast?”

Harry shook his head , Niall “ a cup of tea then?”

Harry slightly nodded, Niall leaving his seat “ I am making you my favourite soup.. It Will be done within minutes”

Harry smiled at him.

NIALL gave him the cup of tea and sat beside him again, he looked at Harry to say something but he then closed his mouth. When Harry felt Niall's eyes were still on him. He finally took his pen and notebook that was on the table and wrote down  
“ I am okay"

Niall looked at the paper and nodded “ yeah.. yeah I know you are okay”

He then left again to stir the soup , but he huffed in frustration ,he couldn’t hold it anymore so he finally asked without looking at him

“ you went to see him?”

Harry sighed ,so he knew about louis, he wanted to go and come back without making any scene, he didn't want any of them to know, He still didn’t remember what exactly happened there, but he was sure that he panicked, and he was also sure that Louis would never call Niall, it must be Zayn who came and helped.  
Niall looked at him “ what were you thinking going there alone..”

Okay he was angry, and Harry wanted this conversation to end already, so he only shrugged trying to remain calm. Every time they mention louis , Niall lose his mind and eventually Harry also lose him mind.

“ what exactly did you expect from him? Haven’t you had enough already?”

Harry looked at him frowning , he hated when Niall use that tune. He hated when Niall blames louis.  
“ every time you see him he hurt you, he did hurt you before and it won’t change Harry”

Harry shook his head, but Niall went on “ he already caused you the damage Harry, he destroyed your family he destroyed you.. what the hell were you thinking”

Harry was also getting angry, he couldn't stand Niall talking to him this way, when he made it obvious that Harry was weak, that Harry couldn’t handle meeting his husband, he hated how it made him feel and Niall was always doing that.

“ why do you want to keep hurting yourself, don’t you want to get better Harry... “

Harry stood up and he closed his eyes, he didn’t want to hear anything else , Niall looked at him and stopped talking .

Niall sighed and he took few steps loser to harry, Then he said.

“ stop it.. stop doing this to yourself, you have a fucking life to live.. let it go and just live"

Harry shook his head again, he knew what was coming next and he didn't want to hear it again,  
“ he is gone Harry.. living this way wouldn’t get him back Again..”

Here it was. 

Harry was trying not to cry, he was looking down his feet , holding back his tears, he didn't want another break down, he was already exhausted.

Niall got closer

“ I know you were hurt, they hurt you bad and they tortured you.. I know they killed him in front of you"

Harry gasped at this, no one ever said this to him before, no one could, what was the wrong with Niall. He stepped a line here and Harry wasn't ready.

“ but I can’t see you living this way anymore.. I can hardly get with the fact that you won’t be the same anymore.. But I don’t want you to get worse” Harry was still holding back his tears, but was so shocked .

“ seeing him making you worse.. He still gives you panic attacks Harry.. you should help yourself to get better"

Niall put his hand on Harry's shoulder “ he still hurts you"

And at that Harry held the pen again and wrote with a shaky hands  
“ he never hurt me"

Then he left the whole kitchen and he ran to the bathroom, he closed the door behind him and he couldn’t take it anymore. No one understood him, Harry didn’t hate Louis or even believed he hurt him. He never blamed him for what happened, it wasn’t his fault they were kidnapped, it wasn’t his fault they killed their son and it wasn’t his fault that Harry turned to be this way.  
Harry knew that Louis also suffered, he lost a son too. He was hurt and tortured too, he knew louis saw them hurting Harry before his eyes. But he couldn’t forget what he saw.

Harry couldn’t forget that he saw them killing Louis, okay it took him three months to believe Louis was still alive but it felt real, he saw them shooting him, he saw Louis falling , he saw him bleeding motionless, he was sure that he lost Louis too, and it took him forever to believe. He still was having nightmares seeing louis dying.

Harry was scared, that’s why he couldn’t see Louis again, that’s why he asked for the divorce. Every time he saw Louis he remembered, and he didn’t want to remember any more, he wanted to forget . But he couldn't forget whenever he saw Louis, it brought all the memories back and he couldn’t live through this again.

Harry was sitting on the floor holding his knees close to his chest, he lost tracking the time , he stayed there crying his eyes out, trying to get stronger. He wanted to get stronger, he wanted to fight . But he didn’t know why he couldn’t, why he was this weak. He was weak that he couldn’t even use his voice again. Cause last time he used it he was screaming louis’s name over and over again.

The door was knocked , it startled Harry. Niall , he forgot about him.

“ I am sorry Harry.. can you please come outside"

Harry didn’t move, then Niall knocked again “ please Harry.. I am sorry , I don’t know what happened to me but I was worried, and I am getting worried right now about you"

Nothing, then he heard Niall said “ fuck Zayn do something” Great, Zayn was here too.

Harry finally stood up, and he stood in front of the sink when the door was knocked again  
“ Harry..” it was Zayn

Harry sighed and looked at his reflection on the mirror, he shook his head in disbelief, he did it again, he promised himself he won’t cry anymore, he was getting better, but ever since that phone call and everything turned awful. 

“ Harry.. we ‘re worried about you here buddy.. do you hear us?”

Harry sighed in frustration, why couldn’t they just leave him alone , he finally opened the faucet, and he washed his face , he ignored looking at his face again, he wiped his face with the towel, and he took a deep breath before opening the door.

Zayn and Niall were waiting for him , he looked at them both then he stormed to his room followed by them  
“ Harry.. I am so sorry" Naill started,

Harry ignored , he just walked to the nightstand beside his bed, he took the notebook and the pen he kept them beside him, he wrote down something.  
“ come on Harry.. “ Zayn said

Harry took a deep breath before he showed them.what he wrote  
“ GO HOME"

Zayn sighed , while Niall didn’t like what he saw  
“ no Harry we won’t, we can’t leave you alone”

Harry sat on his bed looking at Niall, Niall “ listen what I said.. It was stupid.. But you can’t do this , you can’t push us away.. we are all you have"

Zayn sighed “ fuck Niall"

Niall looked angrily at Zayn “ you shut up, you knew what he was up to and you let it happen”

Zayn frowned “ I didn’t.. I didn’t know he was going to Louis.. and if I knew I would help him Niall”

Niall raising his voice “ help? What is wrong with both of you?”

Harry pressed his fingers on his temples, he was still having the headache, and he felt like he was a kid again and his parents were fighting over something he did.

Zayn answered Niall angrily too “ yes.. help, he is an adult, he needs to fix his life, he needs Louis” Harry snapped his head up to look at Zayn, did Zayn really think Harry needed Louis.

“ oh my God, Louis? Are you crazy? Louis is the reason he is like this..”

Harry took the glass of water that was on the nightstand, he took a sip and closed his eyes  
“ stop saying this.. this isn’t Louis's fault..”

Niall laughed sarcastically “ oh really!! Then whose fault is this?”

Harry finally threw the glass on the ground, it shattered into small pieces , but it was enough for them to shut up, they both looked at Harry, who again showed them the paper  
“ go home"

Then he wrote something else, he showed them the paper again  
“ NOW"

Harry was angry, and he really didn’t want to see them right now, he wasn’t a kid anymore, he didn’t need anyone to tell him what to do, he wasn’t that weak, he wasn’t hopeless case after all. 

He stood up and he pointed at the door , he was looking angrily at his two friends , breathing fast, hands shaking.

“ Harry we..” Zayn stared ,but Harry groaned taking a deep breath , so Zayn kept silent. NAILL took Zayn's hand and they left the room. Harry stormed after them and locking himself inside. Hearing their footsteps heading down stairs, He then sat on his bed again trying to gain his breathing back.

Harry fell asleep again, when he wake up again, he realized he was alone in his house.

He moved to the kitchen , he felt hungry and when he saw the food on the stove , he sighed . He felt guilty for being rude with his friends earlier, but he couldn’t do anything about it, he was already tired and he could use some quietness .

He didn’t want to eat the soup, so instead he opened his fridge, but it was empty. He remembered he needed some milk, eggs and some fruits.

He also felt he needed to smell some fresh air. So he moved back upstairs, and took a shower , changed his clothes, took his pills, and finally wore his black coat and black beanie . He headed to his car followed by Alby.

When he was driving to the nearest supermarket, which was thirty minutes away. He felt like there was a car following him. He started to feel anxious again and it wasn’t good.

He finally parked the car.He left it feeling extremely nervous, he looked around but there was no one in the parking lot, he took a deep breath and convinced himself there was nothing to worry about. He looked at Alby smiling while closing the door.

He then heard a scream that nearly froze the blood in his veins, then the door of the market was opened and two teenagers came out of it laughing and screaming.  
Harry watched them until they were inside their car and drove fast passing him , he took a deep breath closing his eyes, and he rested his head on the car trying to control himself . Again he told himself there was nothing to worry about.

He closed his car door, and he entered the supermarket, still anxious , still shaking up. Luckily he was a regular customer, so the owner welcomed him with a warm smile , Harry smiled back trying to gain his confident back, but he didn’t miss the concern that was written on the owner's face.

Harry walked himself inside at the back of the market, and he stopped in front of the glass door fridge to choose his milk. He tried to move his hand to open the door but he couldn’t, he knew what was happening but he didn’t know why.

He took a deep breath and he looked at his hand it was shaking violently, he closed his eyes shut, he told himself there was nothing to worry about, nothing was there.

He heard a kid crying, he opened his eyes and then he saw him, Tom. He was standing few steps next to him holding his favourite teddy bear crying, this time he was covered in blood

“ it’s not true" Harry told himself, closing his eyes again, but the crying was getting louder , “ daddy"

It was when the world stopped, all Harry could hear now was the cries and the kid was screaming “ daddy.. help"

Harry was making a scene , there was a lady standing behind him, she started to feel there was something wrong  
“ excuse me sir, are you okay?”

She asked Harry, but he didn’t listen to her, he was still closing his eyes, still not moving .

“ sir.. you are shaking are you okay?”

Nothing, Harry was still trapped in his mind. Struggling to breath .

Then he felt a touch on his shoulder, it was when everything crashed, he jumped away, looking at the lady that immediately withdrew her hand back looking at him with concerns, the few people that were in the market surrounded Harry now, all looking at him .  
The owner took few steps closer

“ doctor Styles.. are you okay? You are sweating , is there something wrong?”

Harry looked at him and he couldn’t recognize him, he couldn’t recognize anyone, he didn’t know where he was, or what he was doing here, he was looking around him hysterically, waiting to find someone to know, he was waiting for Louis.

The owner asked again “ shall I call anyone Doctor?”

Harry looked at the owner again, and then he felt the world was spinning, he closed his eyes and opened it again , the owner must felt he was dizzy because he was by his side now holding his hand to support  
“ tell me who to call doctor please”

Harry slowly nodded and then he let the owner support him , he whispered something on the owner’s ear before he felt his legs couldn’t support him anymore, he was so dizzy, and his head hurt a lot. Finally he decided to let go.


	6. Chapter 6

Louis was in his house, when his door bell went off, he opened the door and it was Liam standing there.

They didn’t talk, they just shared a look then Louis left a room for Liam to enter and then he closed the door behind.  
“ tea?”

Liam nodded, and he headed to the living room and waited for Louis.

It took Louis a few seconds and he came back with two cups of tea, he gave Liam his cup and he sat beside him on the couch.

“ I finished the papers" Liam started, “ just waiting for your signature "

Louis nodded, he was talking about the divorcing paper “ good.. that’s good"

Liam took a sip of his tea , then he looked at Louis “ I am sorry things turned up this way Louis.. I mean .. you were the best couple but.. yeah I am just sorry"

Louis sighed “ I know.. I am sorry too"

“ what about your work? Still stuck with the paper works?”

Louis nodded “ yeah.. they still believe I am not ready, working in the field is not working for me for now and to be honest it’s better, I can’t handle any mistakes “

“ yeah.. I hope--"

Liam was interrupted by Louis's phone that went off, he looked at it on the table and it was unknown number. Louis frowned but he answered

“ hello ... yes I am.. what? Yes he is my husband! ” he looked at Liam eyes opened wide, he put the cup on the table and he jumped up the couch , liam followed him looking at him worriedly.

“ he said that? Yeah, yeah.. I am on my way"

He hanged up, Liam was still looking at him while he stormed to the door, he was wearing his coat

“ Harry is in trouble.. I think he had another panic attack , he is out at the market..”

He took his keys and phone “ he asked the owner to call me"

Liam frowned confused, but he said nothing, so as Louis. Did Harry talk? Did he really talked to the man? Did he asked for Louis? No one said a word while Louis ran to his car, followed by Liam who said “ I am coming behind you" before both of them jumped in their cars and drove as fast as they can.

Louis's mind was racing, he wanted to call Zayn or Niall but he also didn’t, he wanted to believe that Harry wanted him, him alone.

It took Louis an hour to reach where Harry was. He parked his car beside Harry’s and stormed inside the market following by Liam.

When Louis entered he was looking hysterically by his eyes for Harry, when he didn’t find any sign of him, he headed towards the cashier

“ hello sir.. I am Louis Tomlinson..”

The man sighed “ oh thanks God.. come with me"

Louis followed the man who moved at the back of the market, and he stopped in front of a closed door, he looked at Louis

“ he is not talking to anyone.. He just told me to call Louis.. and nothing more.. When he passed out in my arms I had to look for your name in his Phone.. thanks God it doesn’t have a lock, anyway.. I tried to wake him up.. But ever since he gained his conscious .. he is not talking so eventually we left him here"

Louis nodded chewing his lips, the man finally moved away leaving Louis to the door.

Louis took a deep breath and he looked at Liam, liam nodded and patted his shoulder for encouragement.  
Louis opened the door, it was a small room , full of boxes, with dim light. It gave chills to Louis, it reminded him of the place they kept them When they were kidnapped.

Louis searched the room by his eyes, and he saw him , curled into a ball at the corner of the room, hugging his knees , face buried again. He took a deep breath and he walked to him, he knelt in front of him

“ Harry?”

Once he uttered his name, Harry’s face snapped up, he was crying , Louis tried to smile

“ it’s okay baby.. I am here"

Harry reached his hand to Louis, he was shaking and Louis didn’t know what to do, he was scared to touch him but obviously Harry needed the touch, so he slowly took his hand , but what surprised Louis was Harry jumping and burying his face in Louis's lap. He was sobbing and hugging Louis. He was trying to bury himself inside Louis, he wanted to hide inside him. 

Louis breath hitched in his throat, he hugged Harry tightly and he rubbed Harry’s hair, he then moved his hand up and down Harry’s back trying to calm the young man, he wasn’t calming down, he was just crying, so as Louis, he was crying too.

He looked around him and he saw Liam standing at the door looking down wiping his tears. 

Louis sighed and whispered soft words to Harry’s ear .  
Fifteen minutes later, Harry was calm, he was in Louis's car sitting beside him, Louis was driving and watching Harry from time to time, Liam was driving behind them and Louis felt okay with that, he needed someone else, he was still not sure what Harry would do when he gain his full awareness.

Louis looked at Harry for the million time , then he asked “ feeling better?”

Harry was looking down at his thigh, he folded his arms across his chest , he slowly nodded “ are you sure?”

Again Harry nodded , Louis looked in front again “ was it a panic attack?”

Harry only shrugged this time, Louis nodded and then he decided to fall silent till they arrived home.

Louis watched Harry opening the door with a shaking hand, he couldn’t put the key in its place, finally he sighed and closed his eyes shut. Louis took a few steps closer then Harry moved away from the door giving the key to Louis.

Louis took the keys and opened the door, he was met with Alby's wide parks, and once Harry entered the dog jumped on him, obviously the dog was also worried ,  
Harry hugged the dog and then he patted him, Liam entered too , and it was when Harry finally realized his existence.

Harry was looking at him frowning for a second , then he walked to him and he hugged him tightly, it surprised all of them.

When Harry let go, he entered the kitchen and Louis followed him, Harry headed towards the fridge and he put out a small of bottle of water , he swallowed all at once, obviously the man was thirty. He then looked at Louis who was still watching him waiting for anything really. He then headed towards the table where the pen and the notebook, he then wrote

“ I am okay”

Louis looked at the paper, then at Harry again, Harry was looking at the paper avoiding looking to  
Louis.

Louis finally sighed and pressed his fingers on his eyes

“ I don’t think you are okay Harry”

When Louis looked at Harry , he saw Harry was staring at Louis's hand, Louis didn’t understood what exactly caught his eyes, and he didn’t push it

“ shall I call anyone? ZAYN maybe?”

Harry shook his head, Louis “ can i stay a little longer?”

Harry didn’t move, Louis “ is this a yes.. I don’t want to upset you"

Harry wrote down “ stay"

Louis looked at the paper and nodded, “ okay.. I will ask liam to go home then.. is that okay with you?”

Harry nodded, Louis “ is there any medicine you should take?”

Harry again nodded , Louis “ okay.. go take your medicine and I will talk to Liam”

Harry didn’t move at the start, then he walked out of the kitchen. Louis took a deep breath then he waked to Liam.

When Liam saw him he stood up “ how is he?”

Louis shrugged “ honestly.. I have no idea.. He seems good, at least he is not panicking anymore..  
But I don’t know where does this leads to"

Liam sighed “ now what?”

Louis “ you go home.. I will stay for a little bit, then I will call Zayn”

“ are you sure?”

Louis wasn’t, but he had to nod “ yeah, what worse could happen..”

Liam walked to the door and he opened it “ okay.. call me if you need anything” 

“ sure"

Liam left the house , Louis waving him goodbye closing the door behind him.

He was heading to the kitchen, he wanted to make a hot cup of tea for Harry , it was when he heard a sound of breaking glasses coming from upstairs.

Louis froze at his place, he looked up and then called  
“ Harry? Are you okay?”

He didn’t expect an answer, he walked to the stairs  
“ Harry?” then he cursed “ shit.. Harry I am coming”

Louis climbed up as fast as he can, he ran to Harry’s room, when he entered, he didn’t see anything weird,  
Harry was sitting on his bed, looking down, in front of him a broken glasses, and his pills bottle. Louis moved his eyes between Harry and the floor, then he looked at Harry’sface. He was looking at his hand , an they were shaking violently. Louis understood what happened, Harry couldn’t control his hand, he dropped the glasses and the pills.

Louis walked to him and he took the pills from the floor, then he sat beside him “ it’s okay"

Harry didn’t look up, Louis opened the bottle  
“ how many you should take?”

Harry didn’t move at the start, but finally he raised his two fingers.

Louis nodded “ okay..” he put out two pills, and then he took the bottle from the nightstand “ let me help you..”

Harry raised his head, he sniffled and Louis could see the tears on his cheeks ,

“ open your mouth Harry "

Harry closed his eyes, but he opened his mouth, Louis put the pills in his mouth, then he gave him a gulp of water , he watched Harry swallowing the pills.

“ more water?”

Harry shook his head, Louis put the bottle beside him ,and he sat beside Harry again.

“ I think I should call Zayn"

Harry sighed then he nodded, Louis “ okay.. er.. change your clothes and I will call him , is that okay?”

Harry nodded, Louis “ can you do that?” he looked at Harry’s hands, Harry nodded again, so Louis didn’t pushed it.

Louis left the bedroom, and he closed the door behind him. He rested his back on the wall beside the door. He took a deep breath, but everything hurt. He felt weak at this moment and he wanted so much to rush inside again and to take the broken man inside his arms , maybe they would cry together till they fall asleep.  
Eventually Louis dried his tears, and walked down stairs again to call Zayn.

When Louis finally ended up the call with Zayn , he turned his back to be shockingly faced with Harry. He was startled that he even gasped.

“ God Harry you scared me"

Harry tried to smile, Louis took a deep breath “ i as talking to Zayn.. He can’t come he has a shift, shall I call Niall or Gemma?”

Harry shook his head and walked to sit on his couch in front of the TV.

Louis followed him “ okay.. tell me what to do"

Harry didn’t move, Louis “ wait”

He moved to the kitchen and he brought the pen and the notebook, he gave them to Harry and then he sat beside him

“ tell me what to do?” Louis asked .

Harry held the pen and wrote “ nothing”

Louis sighed “ I can’t do nothing Harry, I can’t leave you this way"

Harry wrote “ I am okay"

Louis looked at Harry, then he nodded “ okay.. fine.. Did you eat anything?”

Harry wrote “ not hungry”

Louis didn’t say a word after. Harry wrote “ I am sorry for calling you"

Louis looked at the words Harry wrote , he bit his lip then he said “ you talked"

Harry looked down at the floor , Louis went on “ you told the man to call me Harry, you talked"

Harry shrugged then he wrote “ can't remember”

Louis nodded “ it’s okay..”

Harry wrote “ didn’t know where I was.. I was scared"

Louis nodded “ I know love, but you are okay now"

Harry nodded, Louis said “ I heard you were doing better Harry..”

Harry shrugged, Louis “ I am glad you asked him to call me"

Harry looked at him, he looked at his eyes for a moment then he looked down again, he then wrote

“ leave",

Louis sighed “ I can’t.. not when you are like this”

Harry sighed , he wrote “ I am fine..please leave"

Louis looked down “ I can’t.. I want to leave but I can’t.. I .. I missed you Harry “ Harry didn’t move, he didn’t flinch or closed his eyes, he did nothing.

“ I know you want a divorce Harry, and I am giving you it.. But please .. think about it Harry I need you"

Harry took a deep breath before he wrote “ I can’t..it hurts”

Louis nodded “ what hurts baby, let me help"

Harry wrote “ you can’t help"

“ let me try. . Please Harry it has been two years"

Harry nodded then he wrote “ I can’t”

“ why?”

“ you scare me"

Louis didn’t talk, he just stared at the last words Harry wrote, then Harry wrote “ you died"

Louis closed his eyes and let the tears fall down freely “ no, I am here Harry I didn’t”

Harry wrote “ I know, But it felt real. and every time I see you I remember”

Louis nodded “ I know"

“ I can’t”

Louis looked at Harry’s face, he then shook his head  
“ I can’t lose you too Harry”

Harry looked back at him , then he wrote “ you lost me"

Louis looked at the words, then Harry left the notebook and left the whole couch , Louis watched Harry disappearing upstairs , he then stood up and he took his Phone and keys and he decided to leave the house.

He opens the door but he couldn’t leave, he just sat on the stairs , when alby the dog saw him he parked happily and then he rested beside him, Louis rubbed on his back and he looked in front at the darkness, it reminded him with his life, it was also dark like the sea at night. He took a deep breath and he prayed for a miracle to happen, anything that makes his life means anything again. He wanted to feel something and he knew as long as Harry away , he wouldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe everyone


	7. Chapter 7

Louis spent the night at Harry’s terrace outside, it was cold but he couldn’t leave him alone, he didn’t want to leave him and somehow it reminded him by the old days, although he was alone at the front door and Harry was upstairs had no clue that Louis was still there, but at least they were at the same place.

He heard a dog parks, Alby’s continuous parks was the reason he wake up . Some one tapped on Louis's shoulder, then someone shook his body, Louis wanted to open his eyes, but it felt weird, he couldn’t open his eyes , he couldn’t even feel his body.

Then he felt someone patted his cheeks , and somehow the touch felt so warm, so sweat. Again he tried to open his eyes but he failed. Then nothing happened.

When he opened his eyes again , it was weird . He felt warm and comfortable, okay it was the morning as he saw Sun rays everywhere in the room, he was in a room? He was lieing on a bed and covered by blanket, he felt numb and all his muscles ached, but .. wait a minute, he didn’t know where he was.

He moved his head beside him and he started to recognize where he was, it was Harry's room and His heart raced he had no idea what happened and how he got here. All he could remember was sitting on the front stairs of Harry’s door watching the darkness, hearing the sea waves hitting the shore and thinking about Harry.

He tried to leave the bed but not only his muscles ached, his head also was killing him, he closed his eyes to not vomit since his stomach twisted, Then he took a deep breath to regulate what ever was happening.

Suddenly the door was opened and Louis waited for anyone to finally answer his questions.

It was Zayn, when he saw louis sitting on the bed, he was surprised and then smiled “ finally you are awake..”

zayn said cheerfully, he sat beside Louis on the bed.  
Louis was still watching him, and obviously Zayn wasn’t saying anymore so Louis had to ask “ what happened?”

And Damme it, it hurt, his chest burned and his voice became more husky than it always was.

Zayn raised a brow “ you don’t remember?”

Louis shook his head starting to get anxious .

Zayn sighed “ you were stupid enough to sleep at Harry’s front stairs .. you caused yourself severe hypothermia”

Louis looked down considering what was said  
“ luckily for you, Alby felt there was something wrong and he wake Harry up, he found you shivering with shallow breathing , you fainted on him and you had a very weak pulse.. you gave him a scare Louis”

Louis couldn’t speak, he looked at Zayn who sighed  
“ he knew what was happening and he took good care of you , warm you with blankets and stayed by your side monitoring your breathing and heartbeats"

Louis looked down again, he saw he was covered with three blankets, and obviously he wasn’t wearing his clothes anymore, Harry must had to change them into heavier dry clothes of his own.

“ you don’t remember anything?”

Louis shook his head, Zayn nodded “ it’s okay some times it causes loss of memory.. you were lucky he found you”

Louis closed his eyes and lied his head back again on the pillow behind him

Zayn asked “ headache?”

Louis still eyes closed “ yeah everything hurt"

“ okay.. you need to drink some warm liquids.. can you move?”

Louis took a deep breath “ I should try"

“ okay.. let me help"

Louis removed the blankets off of him, and he slowly moved his body , he felt so weak as if he was running for days without resting, Zayn helped him to stand up by supporting his forearm, Louis leaned on his friend and slowly he took his first move, after the fifth step he started to gain his limbs back and he straighten his back , he supported himself and he felt he was getting a little better that he can walk downstairs alone.

When he entered the kitchen he expected to see Harry, but there was no sign of Harry , he looked at  
Zayn who was right behind him ready to support him if anything happened

“ where is he?”

“ he is taking his daily jog on the sea.. He says it helps him to get better"

Louis nodded while sitting on the table, zayn pressed the kettle on and he prepared louis drink for some hot herbs Harry already put it in the cup.

“ what happened last night?” Zayn asked.

Louis took a moment to remember, then he pressed his fingers on his eyes “ fuck.. He panicked”

Zayn looked at him “ no , he was okay”

Louis shook his head “no, last night I got a Phone call from the supermarket he deals with, he was there and he panicked , he told the owner to call me"

Zayn confused “ wait a minute.. He talked?”

Louis nodded “ I believe he did, but he can’t remember”

Zayn nodded and then he poured the water and gave Louis his drink, he sat beside him, Louis  
“ I took him home .. we stayed together , we talked , then suddenly he asked me to leave”

Zayn nodded “ good"

Louis looked at Zayn “ how is this good Zayn?”

“ are you kidding me? It’s a huge progress, he saw you without panicking, he let you help him, he talked to you and he just saved your life"

Louis didn’t talk, he didn’t know how to answer that so instead he took a sip of the drink, and it felt painfully familiar.

Zayn looked at him “ he is getting into it Louis, finally he started to come back to his life.. I knew it, I knew it would be you who put him back in his place. It had to be you, you always bring him home"

Louis doubted that, he chuckled “ he asked me to leave”

“ it’s understandable and he will ask you again, he might panic again , but .. please you feel it too he is getting better"

Louis took another sip and not answered that, because yeah, he was getting better , he talked to him, he cried on his shoulder, he asked for his help , it all meant something.

Louis took another sip and then he had to ask “ what is this?”

Zayn smiled , then shrugged “ have no idea.. Harry asked me to drink you this.. you know one of his herbal combination”

Louis nodded and smelled the drink , it smelled good, he smiled , Harry always did that when anyone of his family got sick, he never believed in drugs, he believed in alternative medicine , it always was as a joke for all of them, Harry was a doctor who never liked drugs.

Then they heard the parks of the dog, Zayn smiled  
“ I think he is here, we can ask him “

Then they heard the door was opened , the parks became louder, then Louis heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen, then he showed up.

He was taking his beanie off when he saw Louis sitting on the table, he looked at him then at Zayn “ he just wake up" Zayn said.

Harry looked at Louis then he raised his thump up, Louis nodded “ yeah.. I feel better"

Harry nodded and he headed towards the fridge and took a bottle of water and then he took the dog's food and put some on the dogs plate and then he moved outside the kitchen.

Zayn sighed then he stood up “ I will talk to him"

“ no wait.. don't"

Then Harry suddenly entered the kitchen holding a pen in his hand and the notebook, he looked so angry , he put the notebook furiously on the table and wrote down

“ what the hell were you thinking?”

He showed the paper to Louis , still looking at him furiously , Louis looked at Harry confused then at the paper , then he shrugged “ I don’t.. I don’t know what happened..”

Harry took the notebook again and wrote angrily  
“ you are stupid..”

Zayn was reading what Harry wrote , Zayn tried to calm him down

“ Harry.. give him a break"

Harry looked at him , face turned red , he raised his finger on his mouth to shut Zayn up, then he looked again at Louis, he took a deep breath then He threw the notebook on the table and threw the pen away.

“ can you please calm Harry” Zayn asked, Harry gave them his back and walked few steps away.

He was mad at Louis , he was worried about him Louis could understand that, but he didn’t know what to say, he was still weak , his head was still hurting, but he knew he had to say something.

“ I am sorry Harry.. I know I scared you"

He heard Harry taking another deep breath, but still refused to face them.

Louis looked at Zayn for any help but Zayn only shrugged, then Louis stood up , the world span around him for a second, that he almost fall again, Zayn was by his side in no time holding him  
“ hay, hay are you okay?”

Louis closed his eyes, the spinning didn’t stop, and he felt he was going to faint again, Zayn put him down, and then Louis opened his eyes again, Zayn was still looking at him and behind him standing Harry his hands on his waist and he was looking at Louis worried too.

Zayn “ okay.. I will go get you some real drugs..” he looked at Harry “ can you stay with him?”

Harry nodded still looking at Louis, then Zayn stormed outside the kitchen saying  
“ I won’t be late"

Again Louis and Harry was alone, but this time Harry was supposed to take care of Louis, Louis looked at Harry again, but Harry was looking down, he then sighed and took the pen from the floor and he wrote  
“ lie down?”

Louis read what he wrote and then he shook his head,  
Harry looked at him, then he wrote again  
“ sure?”

“ yes Harry I am sure"

Harry finally sat in front of Louis, and Louis looked at him in the eyes

“ I am sorry.. I know I scared you"

Harry closed his eyes, Louis “ it just happened”

Harry shook his head , and then he wrote  
“ I thought you were dead again"

Louis read what Harry wrote and he didn’t answer that,  
Harry wrote “ I can’t live through this again.. I was worried and I can’t get to worry about you again"

Louis frowned “ why?”

Harry wiped his tears with one hand and then he wrote  
“ I can’t care about you again"

Louis looked at him , he was confused, Harry wrote  
“ I can’t care about anyone and then lose them"

Louis chewed his lips, he then noticed how Harry was shaking again, he put his hand on Harry’s, but Harry shook his head and moved his hand away

He wrote “ please, don't"

Louis closed his eyes again, then He felt Harry’s Lips on Louis. It was a small soft kiss. When Louis opened his eyes again, Harry was gone , but He left him some words

“ please, leave me alone"

Louis rested his back at the chair and waited for Zayn, he didn’t move he didn’t even try to. When Zayn came he took the medicine Zayn bought him and then together they left, Zayn wanted Louis to stay but Louis insisted on leaving, Harry was already locking himself in his room and that upset Zayn , Harry was supposed to take care of Louis not leave him by himself alone while he couldn’t even move.

Louis didn’t talk much he just left the house and waited at his car on the passenger seat, he saw Zayn moving upstairs for a word with Harry and it was ten minutes later when Zayn showed up again getting inside louis's car, eyes were glassy and he didn’t say a word. Louis understood he was crying and he didn’t push it.

Zayn gave Louis the ride and then he moved to bring Harry's car back to Harry and then take his car that was at Harry’s house.

When Louis was home , he called Liam , and it took Liam only fifteen minutes to be there at Louis’s house, Louis asked him to bring the papers with him , and once Liam was there and without any talk, without any explanation, Louis signed the divorce paper and asked Liam to do what it takes to finish this whole ordeal as fast as he can.

Liam took the paper and promised him it will be over in few days, just few days and Louis would lose Harry forever, few days and Harry will be left alone as he asked, it killed louis's heart but he was doing what Harry wanted, he always did what Harry wanted. 


	8. Chapter 8

Two years ago,

Louis was losing his mind in this place, it was a small dark cell, smells rotten and awful, and he was kept alone, handcuffed and secured behind him to a wall or a pipe he couldn’t know, he could barely see anything , but he didn’t mind, because he couldn’t stop thinking about the last call Harry gave him.

“ Louis, help"

He was driving his car on the way back him when He received that call, Harry’s voice was shaking and crying. Louis drove as fast as he could yelling at Harry, he heard a thud then silence on the other line and he knew there was something serious going on, Harry and his son were in danger.

He was on his way , he was on the phone calling Jeff his partner when four cars suddenly appeared and surrounded him , he had to pull over and stop the car, the cars door were all opened, huge number of people in black holding weapons appeared. Louis understood fighting back was a stupid idea, he moved out of his car and then he received a hit on his head that knocked him out.

When he opened his eyes again, he couldn’t see anything. Darkness surrounded him and he knew he was kidnapped and there was a big chance that Harry was also kidnapped.

The door was suddenly opened, Louis didn’t know how much time he was staying there alone, but right now he didn’t care, finally someone was telling him what was going on.

Three men entered the cell, he closed his eyes from the sudden light, he raised his hand to block the light so his eyes adjust on the new situation, then someone of the guys sat beside him and un cuffed his hands, then he was pulled to stand up

“ what do you want?” he said unsure, looking at the three men trying to gain any hint of information about what might be going in, he couldn’t recognize anyone of them .

He was pushed to walk between them, the hall was narrow and barely lightened , the smell was still awful and the walls were rotten, the floor was covered with dirty water . Louis had no idea where he was.

Then the man in front pushed a door and walked inside followed by Louis, it was a different cell, a little bigger , and it wasn’t dark.

When the man moved from Louis’s face , Louis saw him. Harry was right in front of him, his hand were handcuffed and secured above his head, his feet were barely touching the ground, his head slumped forwards.

Louis's heart dropped , he wanted to run to Harry but the man from behind stopped him

“ Harry..” he yelled, but Harry didn’t move, he yelled again looking at his chest to see if he was breathing or not, he was.

He looked at the men around him saying hysterically  
“ what are you doing? What did you do to him" he looked at Harry again still fighting to get near  
him

“ Harry.. baby wake up"

Then he heard the voice that nearly stopped his heart  
“ hello officer Tomlinson..” Louis stopped, he stopped everything, he didn’t move, he didn’t call Harry’s name, he pretty much knew they wouldn’t make it alive, because behind him was standing Mark Clarkson, the one and only, the one that Louis killed his son and locked his other son in a secret prison.

Mark Clarkson was a leader of the biggest mafia at this time, no one could stop him or even could put a hand on him. For Louis it really happened by chance but he used it and finally he could kill one of his son and arrest the other. But there was no trace for Mark for a while year that Louis himself dropped the case and forgot about it. Dropping the case was the best for Louis , they feared his life since Mark was still free, Louis didn’t care about his life he just cared about his family.

“ Long time no see” the man said walking slowly towards Harry. Louis couldn’t talk he just watched the man

“ I told you we would meet again Louis.. I told you, you will pay"

Then he stopped beside Harry, and he caught his hair and yanked his head up so he can see his face.

Obviously Harry was unconscious, he was beaten up till he lost his conscious, his lips was busted open, and there was a cut on his left eyebrow.

“ poor man..” he left him and his head again slumped forward, “ He got exhausted from what happened earlier.. it’s better that he is fainted..I mean losing a son is always hard for a man"

Louis gasped at that, he looked at Mark eyes opened wide, Mark looked back at him and then he smirked  
“ you didn’t..” Louis whispered

Mark nodded “ oh i did.. right in front of him..oh the screams he gave was such a heartbreaker..” he laughed after , Louis looked at Harry again and he couldn’t control himself, he cried .

Mark then stopped laughing and looked at Louis.” Oh.. so you know now.. you killed my son I killed yours..”

“ he was just a kid" Louis sobbed

Mark smiled “ now tell me where my son exactly is and I won't kill your husband..”

Louis looked down trying to collect himself, so this what was going on, Mark wanted to know where his son was.

Mark caught Harry’s hair again but this time Harry whimpered , Louis stopped crying and looked at Harry

Mark “ I swear to god I will kill him Louis.. I will torture him right in front of you.. and I will kill him slowly , you will regret meeting him.. the guilt will follow you where ever you are"

Louis was still looking at Harry who slowly opened his eyes wincing , he then opened his eye wide and looked around him, then he saw Louis

“ Louis.. “ he barely said, it was when he received a punch in his stomach, his arms were up that he couldn’t flinch away, neither did Louis, he watched Harry and he wanted to jump to rescue but there were men holding him back.

********  
Now days,

Harry was drinking his morning tea, he just finished his walk by the sea and he took his shower, he then checked his mail, it was when he saw it, the big yellow envelope. He took it without hesitation, he put it on the table in front of him. He brought his pen in his hand and he opened the envelope, he already knew what was there, his divorce paper, he didn’t read anything he just checked where to sign. He was ready to sign when he saw louis's handwritten, then he stopped.

He took a deep breath and then he rested his back on the chair, he closed his eyes , he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t sign it , he looked again at the paper, then he sighed and left the whole place leaving Alby alone in the house that he parked sadly.

Harry didn’t know where to go, he wanted to breath but his feet hurt from jogging earlier. So he took a deep breath and started walking by the sea thinking about what to do, he knew he asked for the divorce, he wanted to end everything attached to Louis, he believed it would bring peace to his heart, maybe it might stop the nightmares for some time.

It was getting late when Harry found himself inside his car heading to the most comfortable place he had.

He parked his car in front of the cemetery, and he walked in the dark through the stones and then He stopped in front a specific one.

He sat in front and looked at the stone , he closed his eyes and he breathed deeply , he whispered “I missed you son”

He spent long time sitting by his son grave doing nothing but staring, it always helped him to get better , he feels that his son knows that he was there , and that alone relaxed him.

When he finally decided to get back to his car, he made up his mind, he would sign the paper the minute he is there and no one can stop him, it’s over.

When he took the turn to his house he saw that car that was following him the other day again, and somehow it sent chills down his spine, he looked through his rear window but he couldn’t see the face, he tried to slow down and the car slowed down too, he took another turn away from his house and it took the same turn, okay that car was following him.

He started to panic and he could barely control his hands and his legs on the accelerator, he took another turn and he decided to storm to his house and then he can call for help.

When he took the final turn to his house the car stopped few meters away, Harry hastily left his car but before he got inside his house he took the last look at the car, and there it was, parking in front of his house entrance, and then he could see the face of the man sitting at the back seat, and he froze.

He couldn’t breath for a second , he felt his heart stopped beating, the car moved away but Harry couldn’t move, he felt tears were on his cheeks now and he couldn’t move, he couldn’t feel his limbs he couldn’t move his hands or legs, he tried his best to move his hand and somehow he finally could do it, he opened his door and he entered locking the door behind him, he was still crying as his  
vision got blurred he hastily wiped his tears away, then he looked around him, he was still not breathing well and he needed his inhaler, but he ignored, right now he needed to do one thing. He ran although his chest burned , and he stormed to his bedroom, he frantically opened his drawer and put out the cell phone he bought last week, with his shaking hands and his rigid breathes he dialled someone, and right now he was wheezing, after the third ring he was finally answered

“ hello?”

“ Lou..” Harry whispered

“ ha.. Harry? Is that you... fuck are you okay” louis sounded confused and shocked

Harry fell on the floor now behind his bed, still wheezing “ he is here..”

“ what? What’s wrong.. slow down baby ..breath for me"

Harry squeezed his eyes shut “ please... He is here" he said between sobs and wheezes .

“ what? Who ?” louis said frantically

“ please.. I can’t”

“ okay.. Harry.. find your inhaler baby.. I am coming I am on my way okay.. just .. just find your inhaler okay"

“ I am scared" Harry cried

“ I know .. I am on my way I promise.. I will be as fast as I can.. you can stay with me on the phone but I need you but breath Harry, can you move"

Harry wasn’t even listening “ I saw his face.. He.. he wanted me to see.. him"

“ breath Harry” Louis finally yelled dragging Harry out of his thoughts, Harry tried to have a long breath but he couldn’t.

“ Harry.. move and find your inhaler.. okay, I am here I will be with you on the phone"

Harry slowly nodded although Louis couldn’t see him, he left the phone on the floor, and he stood up and he opened the drawer again and put out his extra inhaler, he took two puffs but he couldn’t support his weight he fell down again

“ Harry.. are you still here.. Harry”

Harry heard Louis calling his name, he slowly took the phone and he was feeling his chest was relaxing a bit

“ Harry.. answer me please.. are you okay? Are you awake.. don't faint on me now please"

“ I am here"

Pause, then Louis sniffled “ okay.. are you okay?”

“ I saw him"

“ who .. who did you see?”

Harry took a deep breath then he said  
“ Mark Clarkson” 


	9. Chapter 9

Louis was driving his car hysterically and he was trying to call someone , he was furious and he was extremely anxious. When the phone was finally answered

“ where the hell are you Clay?”

“ what’s the matter Louis?” answered Clay nervously  
Louis was looking at his rear mirror before taking the U-turn madly

“ have you been watching Harry today..”

The man whose name was clay got hesitated for a second “ well.. wh..”

“ what the fuck.. I am fucking paying you to watch him around the clock clay.. what the hell" he yelled

“ you are paying me to watch him while he is taking his walks.. I did.. He took his regular rounds in the morning.. Then he went to the grave .. It was when I left.. I felt there was nothing else to do.. why? Isn't he okay?”

“ no.. He is not okay.. fuck .. where are you now? Are you close to him?” Louis was still yelling 

“ yes.. Louis tell me what is the wrong..”

“ just go there .. he is expecting you, I am on my way, stay with him don’t fucking leave his side.. do you have your gun?”

“ what? Tell me what happened Louis?” Clay said worriedly now

Louis sighed waiting nervously for the red sign to turn into green

“ he says he saw Mark Clarkson”

Silence, then

“ Louis.. you do realize that this is impossible.. right?”

Louis closed his eyes , Clay added“ he is dead man, Mark is dead we know that"

“ I know.. But you need to go.. He was barely breathing and I am not even sure he is conscious”

“ shit..”

The light turned green , Louis drove again faster than before

Clay said “ okay.. I am almost there.. I will tell you"

Louis nodded “ okay.. “

He threw the phone beside him, and he put his attention on the road .

*****

Harry was still on his room, his breathing was a little better, he was still hugging his knees and trying his best to control his shivering, He was sure of what he saw, it was Mark, right? His mind didn’t play tricks on him, not again right? it was true. Then the door was knocked.

While he was walking to open the door, he realized the dog was missing, what did it even mean?

Where could Alby go? Did he run? How?

he knew who was on the door, Okay Louis told him about sending Clay, he never met Clay , he was an old friend of Louis, but Harry never got the chance to meet him, all he knew he was cut from the system due to some stupid mistake he did, he never asked what it was, but he didn’t know why Clay was sent to him now, why Clay exactly. He didn’t ask, he didn’t care , he just needed anyone, and he trusted louis, he always trusted louis.

He moved slowly to open the door, when he was closer clay said

“ open up Harry.. I am clay.. I am a friend of Louis”

Harry opened the door , and Clay entered right away, he looked at Harry concerned

“ are you okay Harry?”

Once Harry saw him he felt something was off, he felt he knew this clay, he had seen this clay before , but he couldn't remember where.

Harry nodded,then shook his head, he wasn't okay, he wasn't okay at all.

Clay nodded , he locked the door, and he looked through the whole Windows around saying

“ I checked the surrounding area.. there was no cars there, nothing..” Harry nodded but he frowned, because when did he do all that.

He took the paper on the table next door and wrote " have you seen Alby?"

Clay looked at the paper confused " I am sorry who?"

Harry sighed and wrote " my dog?"

Clay nodded " oh Alby... no, he is not here? "

Harry shook his head

Clay looked at him “ you still not talking right?”

Harry was confused, but he nodded slightly, Clay  
“ but you talked to Louis”

Harry only shrugged, then Clay put his hand on Harry’s shoulder , and somehow Harry didn’t like the touch, he slowly took a step back , and he gave him his back to move to the living room.

Then Harry felt there was something nudging his back, he knew what it was , it was a gun

“ turn around Harry” clay sighed shakingly

Harry swallowed his fear and slowly he turned to face Clay, and now he remembered, he saw clay a lot but he never connected the links, he saw him a lot of time at the market, he thought he was from the neighbourhood or something which never made any sense but maybe. And he saw him the other day in his car when he panicked in the market. 

Clay was holding a gun and it was now directed to Harry’s chest, Clay tried to smile

“ I am sorry Harry.. I am so sorry, I love Louis.. He is a good man a good friend , I mean when he asked me to watch you I accepted , even if he didn’t pay, he helped me through a lot , ever since I was cut from the service .. But-"

Wow, lots of information , Clay was watching Harry for Louis? What was going on, nothing made sense anymore.

“ but they pay more.. and I need money.. my son is sick and .. I .. I just needed the money"

Harry was confused again, Clay was also confused, he said with shaking voice and trembling hand “ so when .. When they asked me .. I couldn’t say no"

Harry looked at Clay eyes, begging , he still didn’t know what was happening but he had an idea, and that idea was awful

“ I am sorry.. I am so sorry but you have to go back, Mark needs you again"

That was it, Harry shook his head ,then he ran back upstairs he locked the room behind him

“ you can’t run Harry.. come on..” Clay said, “ don't make it harder.. I hate to hurt you"

Harry ran back to the floor where he was sitting few minutes ago, he with shaking body took the phone again and he called Louis, and he realized he couldn’t breath again, but once Louis answered the door was slammed opened, Harry looked at Clay again , but Clay didn’t give him anytime to react, he hit him on his head by the back of the gun.

Louis picked up immediately

“ Harry.. it’s okay.. I called a friend.. Harry?”

Louis didn’t hear anything, “ Harry?”

Nothing

Then he heard the same wheezing he heard before, and then he heard a thud, the line was disconnected.

Louis didn’t move, the phone was still on his ears and he froze, he almost hit the car next to him, and it was the horn that brought him back to himself.

Louis called Clay and there was also no answer, and fuck, he panicked.

He tried to call Harry again but out of no where it was out of service.

And it started to hit him now, something happened, something bad happened , Harry was about to get hurt again, and right now the idea wasn’t working right in his head.

Exactly twenty five minutes later , Louis was there, he jumped out of his car, and stormed to Harry’s door, and then he froze.

The door was opened.

Louis put out the gun from its place, and with a shattered breath he entered the house.  
“ Harry ..” he called.

No sign for anyone, no sign for anything.

“ Clay..” he called , and again there was nothing.

He checked out the kitchen, and then he walked to the living and there was nothing.

He decided to get upstairs to Harry’s room, and he entered the room , he walked slowly to Harry’s bed and what he saw froze the blood in his veins. 

Beside the bed where Harry's phone, but it was broken. Harry’s inhaler , and Harry’s blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter, but who is interested in more??


	10. Chapter 10

Louis was sitting on Harry’s front stairs, remembering the last call over and over again, he was sure that Harry was kidnapped, again. He was sure that someone broke into and took him after a fight and then gone, but what he couldn’t understand where Clay was when all this happened, was he also kidnapped, was he killed and they took the body away? He didn’t know how to think.

Cops were all inside the house, looking for whatever evidence they could find, Louis didn’t care actually, he saw enough, he saw blood. So he waited for them until they finish what they were doing , he waited for anything, for a call maybe, because right now he knew Harry was kidnapped, but he still refused to believe it was Mark Clarkson again.

Louis was living his worst nightmares again, Harry was kidnapped and he was in danger and again Louis was helpless, he was scared for Harry's life and he didn’t know how Harry could survive this, last time he barely survived.

“ are you okay?”

Louis lifted his head to meet Liam, Liam moved and sat beside him on the stairs “ anything?”

Louis shook his head “ I found those..” he gave liam the file that had the divorce papers “ he didn’t..”

Liam took the file and he put it beside him “ they will find him Lou, you will find him"

Louis bit his lip, then he nodded “ yeah.. Yes I have to find him, but.. what will happen to.him? How will he survive this again" he shook his head in disbelief “ I mean I can’t think of what they are gonna do to him.. how they will beat the shit out of him.. I just.. what the hell is going on! ”

Liam nodded understanding “ I hope he will be fine.. But how did this happen? We thought he was dead"

Louis chuckled “ obviously.. we are the only one who thought that"

Liam looked at him confused, Louis sighed “ they never found the body.. they told me he was burned that night but they skipped the body part... If I knew I could do something.. I could-"

Then the door was opened behind them and three officers came out of the house, two headed towards their car while one stood , Louis turned his face in front again, he wasn’t sure he needed to listen to anything.

“ we are going Louis.. we found nothing”

Louis without looking at him “ I told you , you won’t”

The man walked and stood in front of Louis “ I guess we need to talk "

“ really? Why? So you can hide things again from me, we were partners for God sake" 

The man sighed “ I didn’t.. I was trying to protect you, we never found the body but we never knew if he was alive or not .. we are watching everything, if he showed up again we would know Louis”

Louis shook his head “ you should have told me"

“ why?”

“ so I can protect him" Louis yelled , “ this is happening again, it’s happening again and I could have stopped this"

The man sighed “ I know how you feel-"

“ you don’t..”

The man looked at him for a moment then he said “  
there was nothing you could do" 

Louis snapped his head up to him “ I could have protected him"

“ you put Clay on the watch.. Clay?! out of all people around you chose him?"

Louis pinched his nose bridge “ Clay is a good man, who did only one mistake.. it happens Nick we all have our mistakes"

Nick rolled his eyes “ you still defend him?”

Louis sighed in frustration and he stood up “ no, I am not gonna talk about Clay while Harry is missing and we are waisting out time doing nothing”

“ what do you want us to do..”

“ we have to find him.”

“ we still not sure it was him..”

“ it was..” Louis yelled louder, then he took a deep breath “ he told me it was him, so it was Mark"

Nick shook his head “ Harry is very confused ever since what happened, he is not in a good mental state so we take his says"

Louis and Liam both looked at Nick shockingly “ what are you talking about?” Louis asked.

Nick looked between both of them then he said “ we are not sure if it was Mark..”

“oh god.” Louis sighed and looked down, Nick “ why him? Why now? What does he need?”

Louis yelled “ I don’t know.. I don’t care, he said he saw him..”

“ he also says he sees his son"

Louis was going to talk and then he closed his mouth,  
Liam was the one who talked “ so what are you suggesting? He is not kidnapped?"

Nick looked at Liam “ we think maybe ... maybe ..he walked by his own...maybe he-" 

“ there was blood" Louis said

“ few drops.. means nothing, if someone wanted to kidnap him at least he would fight..”

Liam “ what about Clay"

Nick looked at Louis and then he looked down and didn’t speak, Louis looked at him “ oh my God.. you think Clay is after that?”

Nick shrugged “ he is the only one who last saw him.. and his car isn't here , he Isn't answering the phone..so"

Louis was confused, because that’s was right, where was the car, where was Clay? 

Nick again sighed “ I promise you Louis.. I am after that, I will do my best.. But.. we need to think, we both know how Harry’s mind is working lately"

Louis was still thinking “ why would Clay do that?”

Nick shrugged “ he was obsessed with Mark and his works.. maybe he is trying to copy him, I am sure you will receive a phone call very soon"

Louis looked down and didn’t talk, he just wanted to think, and to think clearly about everything .

“ I will go to the station now.. I expect you there soon"

Louis didn’t move , Nick finally said before getting into his car “ we will find him .. I promise" Then he left.

Liam was looking at Louis , Louis looked back at him and sighed “ don't start"

Louis walked to his car but Liam followed him “ but you trust him right?, I mean clay?”

Louis shook his head “ I don’t know who to trust anymore"

Then they saw a car rushing in front of the entrance, Louis sighed and looked down closing his car door, he took a deep breath cause inside that car were only Zayn and Niall.

Niall stormed out of the car , he ran towards Louis  
“ where is he? Where the fuck is he?”

Louis looked at Niall “ I don’t know..”

Niall was extremely nervous, angry and he was acting crazy, no one could blame him

“ so .. it is happening again?” Niall asked looking at Louis “ who is doing it this time? "

Louis looked at Niall and then at Zayn who was watching nervously waiting for the answer “ we don’t know..”

Niall yelled “ fuck!! .”

“ but he called me.. before the attack, he said he saw Mark" Niall and Zayn looked at him shocked, eyes opened wide.

Zayn said “ Mark? As Mark Clarkson?”

Louis nodded, Niall shook his head “ but this is impossible.. He is dead right? You said he was killed there"

Louis didn’t answer, Niall yelled “ right?”

“ I thought.. I mean they told me so, they told me he was killed at the fire.. But I just knew they never found the body"

Zayn closed his eyes trying to control his temper, while Niall kept staring at Louis “ what do you  
mean?”

Louis didn’t answer. Niall yelled “ you mean he kidnapped H .. again, you mean Harry is In the hand of that crazy lunatic psycho again?”

Louis tried not to panic too “ I don’t know Niall.. I don’t know.. He called me I sent Clay.. and when I arrived no one was there.”

Niall paced the area pulling his hair “ fuck .. fuck.. He is not gonna make it this time"

He looked again at Louis and walked to him and pushed him  
“ he is not gonna make it" Louis didn’t respond, he was looking down

He pushed again “ you have to do something..”

He pushed again, it was when Liam moved and held Niall's Forarm “ stop it..”

Niall looked at him “ did you hear that, it’s his fault.. again, again Harry is paying for louis's mistakes”

Zayn sighed “ God Niall.. stop saying this”

Niall looked at Zayn with crazy eyes, he was losing his mind “ did you hear that? He is with them again.. what they are gonna do to him..  
what did you do this time Louis" he said looking at Louis.

Louis didn’t move, because he was asking himself the same question was in his head over and over gain.

Zayn and Liam took Niall and put h in the car again. 

Louis got inside his car , he was mess. He wanted to cry, to scream , he wanted to break everything around him, he wanted to kill someone.

Zayn knocked on his window and Louis opened it  
“ what will you do..”

Louis shrugged “ wait?”

Zayn “ for what?”

Louis sighed “ if he was kidnapped then the kidnaper will call.. He will tell his demands..I don’t know what to do" his voice cracked uttering the last words, he looked down again and he didn’t want to cry in front of Zayn.

“ do you think.. He is Clarkson again?” Zayn asked

Louis shrugged then he looked at Zayn “ actually.. I was.. But I don’t know, Harry’s mind is not perfect.. His mind still tricking him.. I don’t know.. and again who would kidnap him if it wasn’t for Clarkson?”

Zayn “ what about Clay?”

Louis looked at him frowning, Zayn “ Liam says he is also missing so as his car.. what does this mean? I mean are we sure he is even kidnapped?”

Louis again shrugged, he didn’t know" he is missing"

Zayn took a deep breath “ you have to get him back.. He should come back"

Louis nodded, Zayn “ if he is really kidnapped.. I don't know how will he take it, he shouldn’t live through this again"

Louis nodded “ I know.. I know..”

Zayn nodded and squeezed Louis shoulder and then he headed back to his car where Naill was there still nervous while Liam was trying to calm him down.

********

The place was dark, the smell was awful, he was half awake,and he felt his eyes heavy, His body felt sore and stiff , he couldn’t move , and he felt the horrible headache. He suddenly became alert. 

he looked around him for any understanding, he was sitting on the ground, his hand was tightened behind him, and his legs were also tightened, his body was bound to a column that supported the roof, He closed his eyes to remember.

Okay, he had an panic attack, he used his inhaler, he called Louis, he talked to Louis, Clay, Clarkson.

His heartbeats raised after remembering seeing Clarkson face, then the door was opened.

Clarkson walked inside , when he saw that Harry was finally awake “ well finally.. I thought you will never wake up" then he smiled “ do you remember me? Long time no see Harry”

Harry couldn’t look at him but also couldn't move his eyes away, he was in a panic state, he wanted to believe it was a nightmare, one of his nightmares, but it felt real. So real.

Clarkson knelt beside him , looking at Harry’s face “ oh.. where did those lovely curls go? I loved them so much"

Harry was breathing fast, He tugged at his hands and feet, which seemed so tight. He felt more people were around him, he could feel it again, the same feeling he had two years ago.

Clarkson smiled at Harry’s struggles “ don’t bother Harry, you are not going anywhere.. not after your lovely husband do what we want”

" oh wait.. you are divorcing him.." Then he looked at Harry again " you still don't talk? Very sad to know this.. But that is not enough to make me feel sorry for you.. you are staying until Tomlinson does his job"

Then he put his hand on Harry’s shoulder and moved closer , his lips were close to Harry’s ear “ or I will kill you"

Harry couldn’t move, he couldn’t breath, he was so scared to , then suddenly the hand fisted his hair roughly and his head was dragged back

Clarkson yelled “ this time I will make sure you die harry"

Harry did nothing but crying, it was happening again, everything was happening again, he didn’t know how would he take it, he was scared, but he was frightened for what Louis would do.

Clarkson let Harry and his head slumped forward , then he raised his hand, one of his men that Harry didn’t know where he came from, or was he here from the start, put the phone in Clarkson hand. Clarkson put the phone on his ear

“ hello Louis..” 


	11. Chapter 11

Louis was sitting on Harry’s front stairs, remembering the last call over and over again, he was sure that Harry was kidnapped, again. He was sure that someone broke into and took him after a fight and then gone, but what he couldn’t understand where Clay was when all this happened, was he also kidnapped, was he killed and they took the body away? He didn’t know how to think.

Cops were all inside the house, looking for whatever evidence they could find, Louis didn’t care actually, he saw enough, he saw blood. So he waited for them until they finish what they were doing , he waited for anything, for a call maybe, because right now he knew Harry was kidnapped, but he still refused to believe it was Mark Clarkson again.

Louis was living his worst nightmares again, Harry was kidnapped and he was in danger and again Louis was helpless, he was scared for Harry's life and he didn’t know how Harry could survive this, last time he barely survived.

“ are you okay?”

Louis lifted his head to meet Liam, Liam moved and sat beside him on the stairs “ anything?”

Louis shook his head “ I found those..” he gave liam the file that had the divorce papers “ he didn’t..”

Liam took the file and he put it beside him “ they will find him Lou, you will find him"

Louis bit his lip, then he nodded “ yeah.. Yes I have to find him, but.. what will happen to.him? How will he survive this again" he shook his head in disbelief “ I mean I can’t think of what they are gonna do to him.. how they will beat the shit out of him.. I just.. what the hell is going on! ”

Liam nodded understanding “ I hope he will be fine.. But how did this happen? We thought he was dead"

Louis chuckled “ obviously.. we are the only one who thought that"

Liam looked at him confused, Louis sighed “ they never found the body.. they told me he was burned that night but they skipped the body part... If I knew I could do something.. I could-"

Then the door was opened behind them and three officers came out of the house, two headed towards their car while one stood , Louis turned his face in front again, he wasn’t sure he needed to listen to anything.

“ we are going Louis.. we found nothing”

Louis without looking at him “ I told you , you won’t”

The man walked and stood in front of Louis “ I guess we need to talk "

“ really? Why? So you can hide things again from me, we were partners for God sake" 

The man sighed “ I didn’t.. I was trying to protect you, we never found the body but we never knew if he was alive or not .. we are watching everything, if he showed up again we would know Louis”

Louis shook his head “ you should have told me"

“ why?”

“ so I can protect him" Louis yelled , “ this is happening again, it’s happening again and I could have stopped this"

The man sighed “ I know how you feel-"

“ you don’t..”

The man looked at him for a moment then he said “  
there was nothing you could do" 

Louis snapped his head up to him “ I could have protected him"

“ you put Clay on the watch.. Clay?! out of all people around you chose him?"

Louis pinched his nose bridge “ Clay is a good man, who did only one mistake.. it happens Nick we all have our mistakes"

Nick rolled his eyes “ you still defend him?”

Louis sighed in frustration and he stood up “ no, I am not gonna talk about Clay while Harry is missing and we are waisting out time doing nothing”

“ what do you want us to do..”

“ we have to find him.”

“ we still not sure it was him..”

“ it was..” Louis yelled louder, then he took a deep breath “ he told me it was him, so it was Mark"

Nick shook his head “ Harry is very confused ever since what happened, he is not in a good mental state so we take his says"

Louis and Liam both looked at Nick shockingly “ what are you talking about?” Louis asked.

Nick looked between both of them then he said “ we are not sure if it was Mark..”

“oh god.” Louis sighed and looked down, Nick “ why him? Why now? What does he need?”

Louis yelled “ I don’t know.. I don’t care, he said he saw him..”

“ he also says he sees his son"

Louis was going to talk and then he closed his mouth,  
Liam was the one who talked “ so what are you suggesting? He is not kidnapped?"

Nick looked at Liam “ we think maybe ... maybe ..he walked by his own...maybe he-" 

“ there was blood" Louis said

“ few drops.. means nothing, if someone wanted to kidnap him at least he would fight..”

Liam “ what about Clay"

Nick looked at Louis and then he looked down and didn’t speak, Louis looked at him “ oh my God.. you think Clay is after that?”

Nick shrugged “ he is the only one who last saw him.. and his car isn't here , he Isn't answering the phone..so"

Louis was confused, because that’s was right, where was the car, where was Clay? 

Nick again sighed “ I promise you Louis.. I am after that, I will do my best.. But.. we need to think, we both know how Harry’s mind is working lately"

Louis was still thinking “ why would Clay do that?”

Nick shrugged “ he was obsessed with Mark and his works.. maybe he is trying to copy him, I am sure you will receive a phone call very soon"

Louis looked down and didn’t talk, he just wanted to think, and to think clearly about everything .

“ I will go to the station now.. I expect you there soon"

Louis didn’t move , Nick finally said before getting into his car “ we will find him .. I promise" Then he left.

Liam was looking at Louis , Louis looked back at him and sighed “ don't start"

Louis walked to his car but Liam followed him “ but you trust him right?, I mean clay?”

Louis shook his head “ I don’t know who to trust anymore"

Then they saw a car rushing in front of the entrance, Louis sighed and looked down closing his car door, he took a deep breath cause inside that car were only Zayn and Niall.

Niall stormed out of the car , he ran towards Louis  
“ where is he? Where the fuck is he?”

Louis looked at Niall “ I don’t know..”

Niall was extremely nervous, angry and he was acting crazy, no one could blame him

“ so .. it is happening again?” Niall asked looking at Louis “ who is doing it this time? "

Louis looked at Niall and then at Zayn who was watching nervously waiting for the answer “ we don’t know..”

Niall yelled “ fuck!! .”

“ but he called me.. before the attack, he said he saw Mark" Niall and Zayn looked at him shocked, eyes opened wide.

Zayn said “ Mark? As Mark Clarkson?”

Louis nodded, Niall shook his head “ but this is impossible.. He is dead right? You said he was killed there"

Louis didn’t answer, Niall yelled “ right?”

“ I thought.. I mean they told me so, they told me he was killed at the fire.. But I just knew they never found the body"

Zayn closed his eyes trying to control his temper, while Niall kept staring at Louis “ what do you  
mean?”

Louis didn’t answer. Niall yelled “ you mean he kidnapped H .. again, you mean Harry is In the hand of that crazy lunatic psycho again?”

Louis tried not to panic too “ I don’t know Niall.. I don’t know.. He called me I sent Clay.. and when I arrived no one was there.”

Niall paced the area pulling his hair “ fuck .. fuck.. He is not gonna make it this time"

He looked again at Louis and walked to him and pushed him  
“ he is not gonna make it" Louis didn’t respond, he was looking down

He pushed again “ you have to do something..”

He pushed again, it was when Liam moved and held Niall's Forarm “ stop it..”

Niall looked at him “ did you hear that, it’s his fault.. again, again Harry is paying for louis's mistakes”

Zayn sighed “ God Niall.. stop saying this”

Niall looked at Zayn with crazy eyes, he was losing his mind “ did you hear that? He is with them again.. what they are gonna do to him..  
what did you do this time Louis" he said looking at Louis.

Louis didn’t move, because he was asking himself the same question was in his head over and over gain.

Zayn and Liam took Niall and put h in the car again. 

Louis got inside his car , he was mess. He wanted to cry, to scream , he wanted to break everything around him, he wanted to kill someone.

Zayn knocked on his window and Louis opened it  
“ what will you do..”

Louis shrugged “ wait?”

Zayn “ for what?”

Louis sighed “ if he was kidnapped then the kidnaper will call.. He will tell his demands..I don’t know what to do" his voice cracked uttering the last words, he looked down again and he didn’t want to cry in front of Zayn.

“ do you think.. He is Clarkson again?” Zayn asked

Louis shrugged then he looked at Zayn “ actually.. I was.. But I don’t know, Harry’s mind is not perfect.. His mind still tricking him.. I don’t know.. and again who would kidnap him if it wasn’t for Clarkson?”

Zayn “ what about Clay?”

Louis looked at him frowning, Zayn “ Liam says he is also missing so as his car.. what does this mean? I mean are we sure he is even kidnapped?”

Louis again shrugged, he didn’t know" he is missing"

Zayn took a deep breath “ you have to get him back.. He should come back"

Louis nodded, Zayn “ if he is really kidnapped.. I don't know how will he take it, he shouldn’t live through this again"

Louis nodded “ I know.. I know..”

Zayn nodded and squeezed Louis shoulder and then he headed back to his car where Naill was there still nervous while Liam was trying to calm him down.

********

The place was dark, the smell was awful, he was half awake,and he felt his eyes heavy, His body felt sore and stiff , he couldn’t move , and he felt the horrible headache. He suddenly became alert. 

he looked around him for any understanding, he was sitting on the ground, his hand was tightened behind him, and his legs were also tightened, his body was bound to a column that supported the roof, He closed his eyes to remember.

Okay, he had an panic attack, he used his inhaler, he called Louis, he talked to Louis, Clay, Clarkson.

His heartbeats raised after remembering seeing Clarkson face, then the door was opened.

Clarkson walked inside , when he saw that Harry was finally awake “ well finally.. I thought you will never wake up" then he smiled “ do you remember me? Long time no see Harry”

Harry couldn’t look at him but also couldn't move his eyes away, he was in a panic state, he wanted to believe it was a nightmare, one of his nightmares, but it felt real. So real.

Clarkson knelt beside him , looking at Harry’s face “ oh.. where did those lovely curls go? I loved them so much"

Harry was breathing fast, He tugged at his hands and feet, which seemed so tight. He felt more people were around him, he could feel it again, the same feeling he had two years ago.

Clarkson smiled at Harry’s struggles “ don’t bother Harry, you are not going anywhere.. not after your lovely husband do what we want”

" oh wait.. you are divorcing him.." Then he looked at Harry again " you still don't talk? Very sad to know this.. But that is not enough to make me feel sorry for you.. you are staying until Tomlinson does his job"

Then he put his hand on Harry’s shoulder and moved closer , his lips were close to Harry’s ear “ or I will kill you"

Harry couldn’t move, he couldn’t breath, he was so scared to , then suddenly the hand fisted his hair roughly and his head was dragged back

Clarkson yelled “ this time I will make sure you die harry"

Harry did nothing but crying, it was happening again, everything was happening again, he didn’t know how would he take it, he was scared, but he was frightened for what Louis would do.

Clarkson let Harry and his head slumped forward , then he raised his hand, one of his men that Harry didn’t know where he came from, or was he here from the start, put the phone in Clarkson hand. Clarkson put the phone on his ear

“ hello Louis..” 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter

When harry opened his eyes suddenly he closed it again, the world was spinning and he felt weird. He was lying on a bed, an actual bed. He was covered with a soft blanket, his head was on a soft fluffy pillow , he had to open his eyes to figure out where was he.

He tried to open his eyes ignoring the pain behind them, he waited for a few seconds till his vision become clear again, and he saw white. White ceiling, white curtains, he looked at his lap and it was white blanket. He knew where he was, he was at the hospital.

He looked beside him, and yes he was right, there was the IV stand, he saw the fluid that hooked to it, he followed the wire to the cannula that was adjusted in his hand. There was the heart monitor, and the clip in his finger. Then there was someone sleeping at the corner of the room, covered with a blue blanket. Brown hair curled into a ball on that uncomfortable couch. 

Niall.

He tried to remember anything, there was nothing in his memory. The last thing he remembered was sitting on the couch in his living room reading a book.

Okay what happened? Did he passed out? Did he made an accident? What happened?

“ you are okay.. “

Harry jumped at the voice, he looked at Naill, Niall was looking back smiling at him

“ it’s okay.. Everything is over now”

Harry was confused, was it real, what happened? 

“ what happened? “ he asked, and Naill was shocked at the start,his face turned white and his eyes filled with dread as if he was seeing a ghost then he sat slowly beside him on the bed

“ you don’t remember? “

Harry was trying his best to remember anything, he just shook his head, Naill nodded “ it’s okay.. You don’t have to, you are okay now”

Harry rested his back at the pillow again, he closed his eyes again trying not to vomit “ I remember reading a book ... the door was knocked .. and ... I can’t remember anything”

Naill was watching him, he smiled nervously “ it’s okay, don’t push yourself , you will remember everything”

Harry closed his eyes “ I can't remember anything “

Naill put his hand on his “ I know.. it will get to you"

then he said hesitated “ you were knocked out for three weeks now"

Harry looked at him shocked, Niall nodded “ you were waking up and falling asleep again for four days .. At the start, it was like you were refusing to wake up, but here you are. “ he smiled but tears formed in his eyes 

Harry nodded still trying to adjust to what was said, he was looking at Niall, he looked somehow different than the last time he remembered him “ what happened to me? Did I fainted? I hit my head? Where is lou? "

Niall looked at Harry sceptical “ he is coming.. He was here but he had to go and.. do something..  
He is coming, actually I will call him now"

Then Niall left harry on his bed and headed outside hastily, he was running away from him. Harry noticed he was shaking and he looked scared.  
*****  
Louis was in his car, he was on his way to the hospital to see Harry, it has been three weeks since he rescued Harry, three weeks and harry still refusing to wake up, it was driving him crazy and he didn’t know how to fix this, he didn't know if Harry might be okay again, or there would be more damage, he hoped for the best , it was all he could do.

His phone rang and it was Niall, he picked up immediately “ good morning Niall”

“ He is awake”

Louis heart skipped a beat “ and?”

“ he is up for sure, alert , asking questions and everything"

Louis nodded “ okay.. I am on my way, did he.. did he ask about me?”

“ he doesn’t remember anything Lou, not the rescue not what happened.. and he is fucking talking!!! ”

Louis froze, he was about to get hit by the next car but at the last minute he could avoid it, Niall heard the horns and people cursed around Louis

“ are you driving? Don’t tell me you are driving with your damaged hand..”

Louis looked at his hand on the steering wheel, it was wrapped with a white dressing, he sighed “ it’s not damaged"

Niall yelling “ you were shot for God sake , what are you doing..”

“ relax Niall.. we are talking about Harry here..”

Niall huffed in frustration “ fine.. fine , he is talking normally like he wasn’t mute for the last two years, Lou.. I don’t think He remember the last two years"

Louis nodded , but he didn’t understand, he just nodded trying to calm himself, he was scared and he didn’t understand anything “ I am on my way.. give me five"

“ drive safely Lou”  
*****

Louis and Niall were talking in front of Harry’s room, Zayn was also there with another doctor

The doctor was talking and all the men were listening  
“ it’s the trauma that made him talk again.”

Niall said “ he doesn’t remember anything”

The doctor looked at Niall “ yet.. But eventually he will"

“ and then what? He will become mute again?”

The doctor “ we don’t know how he will react this time, maybe he will become mute, maybe he will be okay.. maybe something else"

“ like what?”

The doctor shook his head “ we will find out, we still don’t know If he is truly doesn’t remember or he is trying to avoid thinking of what happened”

Louis was listening not saying a word, afraid of talking, afraid of what was happening.

Zayn talked “ you mean he is deceiving us?”

“ us and himself, his mind maybe is playing tricks on him.. and one time it will attack him with memories , so he is trying to protect himself by denying the whole thing.. so when His mind try to attack again he is in denial so he won't believe the memories, it’s a defence mechanism ..”

Niall sighed “ oh God..”

The doctor looked at all of them “ I need you to talk to him, but not mention what happened, try to make him talk as long as he can.. try to make him comfortable and let’s see what might happen”

Then nodded, then the doctor looked at Louis “ you are the husband Louis.. you will do the most work, you are the only one who knows him, you will know if he is lying or not.. you will know if there was anything wrong”

Louis was looking at the doctor “ oh..no, I don’t think it’s possible.. we ‘re having a divorce”

The doctor was shocked “ what?”

Louis nodded, he looked at Zayn, Zayn helped “ they were not together for two years"

The doctor just nodded "oh, sorry to hear that. But Harry doesn't remember that”

Louis was getting more nervous 

The doctor said “ you need to talk to him, you need to tell me every word he says"

He looked at Zayn “ Zayn I need his shrink number, I need to understand how his mind works" 

****

Louis opened the door of Harry’s room, he didn’t know what to expect exactly, he could deal with Harry being angry at him and refusing to talk, but right now he didn’t know how Harry would react when he sees him.

Harry was sleeping , that was a relief. Louis slowly walked and sat beside his bed on the chair, his mind was still racing and he felt scared. He didn’t know why he was feeling this way, after all he did  
save Harry’s life gain, he took a shot for him, he rescued his life for Harry, but Harry didn’t remember anything, or did he?

He looked at Harry , he saw Harry for the last three weeks lying emotionlessly on the bed, he talked to him , he begged him to wake up again. But right now he was afraid from facing Harry .

“ lou?”

Louis snapped his head up, Harry was still closing his eyes, “ Lou..” he said again still eyes closed. 

Louis bit his lower lip, he didn’t know what to say,  
“ please" Harry's voice was shaking as if he was about to cry “ I am here baby" Louis said touching Harry's hand, and then Harry opened his eyes.

Louis waited.

Harry looked at Louis , then he smiled at him “ you are here"

Louis gasped, he didn’t know he would be here to listen to his voice again, he didn’t count the last call , but this, this was something else.

Harry reached his other hand asking for a hug, a hug from Louis?

Louis slowly stood and gave Harry the hug he wanted  
“ you are okay?” Harry asked

Louis pulled back and looked at Harry’s face “ yeah..”

Harry was looking at louis examining him, he saw his hand “ your hand? "  
" i am fine"

"you don’t look okay, what happened?" 

Louis just lied easily "it was a mission" 

"but you are okay, right? Why do you look like you are not" 

Louis sat beside Harry on the bed trying to focus “ no I am .. I'm okay, I was just worried about you”

Harry nodded , he believed him, he rested his head on the pillow again “ yeah.. Niall told me I was out for three weeks”

Louis nodded, Harry was still looking at him “ three weeks without me .. how was that?”

Louis tried to smile “ awful"

Harry nodded smiling “ I bet.. you didn’t leave my side"

Louis nodded “ I couldn’t.. I” then he shook his head and took a deep breath, Harry was not okay, his mind was not okay and that literally broke Louis inside “ I didn’t"

Harry was still smiling “ thanks"

Louis nodded but said nothing, harry sighed “ should I remember?”

Louis was surprised “ er.. I don’t know, better not"

Harry nodded “ I can’t remember, I want to but I can’t, what happened to me?"

Louis put his hand on Harry, and he was again surprised, Harry didn’t flinch, Harry didn’t panic , what was going on “ it will get to you, don’t worry, I guess it’s better if the doctors tell you why happened”

“ that bad?”

Louis again was confused “ not bad.. But.. you know you doctors have your terms” he tried to smile

Harry smiled “ at least I need to talk to Zayn.. no one is talking to me, no one is telling me anything, is it serious?do I have cancer or something”

Louis shook his head immediately “ no, no , no cancer.. you are okay"

Harry nodded , he then sighed “ let’s go home"

“ home?”

Harry nodded calmly “ yeah.. I feel better and obviously I am not having a serious disease, so i want to go home, take some rest and then come back to the hospital”

Louis was shocked “ why?”

Harry looked at him confused “ to work? I am not gonna lie on the bed forever..let’s go home ,I missed Tom”

Lewis’s heart stopped beating, he was looking at Harry terrified 

Tom?

Okay, Harry didn’t remember the whole two years, Harry thought there was Tom. 

Tom their son that was dead two years ago.


	13. Chapter 13

Louis was sitting in Harry’s doctor’s office, he was nervously shaking his leg, trying his best not to break down while listening to the doctor. ZAYN was also there listening silently, but he also couldn't hide his nervousness.

“ take him home?” Louis asked shockingly “ what are you talking about.. There is no home, we are having a divorce , we aren't together anymore” Louis said angrily

The doctor nodded his head absorbing louis' rage “ I understand that.. But harry doesn't, he is trapped at the moment before all of this happened”

“ And you are asking me to lie to him, how will this help exactly ?”

“ Mr Tomlinson.. I understand exactly how are you feeling, but this is the only way to help him, his mind is very brutal on him right now, it hides memories and plays tricks on him” he sighed “ the lie won't last forever, just keep going with him, it's better if he remembers gradually..”

“ and what happens when he remembers? I am giving him another reason to hate me, we are already having a divorce” he looked at Zayn for help

“ I know , but he doesn't.. Mr Tomlinson.. You do understand how critical the situation is, I was talking to harry's shrink for the last three days and we both agreed on this , it's the only way”

Louis shook his head in frustration , he looked down trying to think of anything else. 

Zayn finally talked , he took a deep breath “ it's the only way”

Louis lost it, he left his seat and yelled “ you too? You want me to lie to him”

Zayn wasl still calm “ if this is the only way, then yes”

Louis shook his head in disbelief, zayn left his seat and walked to Louis “ we can't give him the truth that easy Louis .. How do you expect him to respond when he suddenly knows what happened, he has lost everything in those two years, you can't just tell him that he lost his son, his career , his husband , he lost everything.. We need to be careful”

The doctor “ we need to protect him”

Louis sighed “ from what exactly?”

“ from himself .. Harry represents a good candidate for suicide”

Louis looked at him shockingly, the doctor nodded , there was no need for decorating anymore

“ if he knows all this at once.. As sensitive person as harry.. We don't think he is gonna make it”

Louis shook his head, but the doctor said “ specially since he did it before ”

Louis snapped his head up looking at the doctor, then he looked at Zayn who was looking down

“ what did you say?” louis asked looking again at the doctor .

The doctor sighed “I thought you know. it happened last year, he took mixed combination of drugs ... Zayn was there he found him in the right time”

Louis was still not believing, he looked at Zayn “ you know ? You.. Oh God”

The doctor said “ it was long time ago,he didn’t try it again but we aren't sure what might happen”

Louis didn't talk, he looked down thinking, harry tried to kill himself, he wanted to end his life and louis had no clue .

Zayn sighed “ I promised him not to tell anyone”

Louis greeted on his teeth “ i am not anyone Zayn.. I am his husband”

Zany nodded “ I know.. But that what he needed”

Louis was looking down , he calmed a little , or he was too shocked to argue “ how can I lie to him?  
What about the house I sold it..” he looked at Zayn “ what about Tom?”

Zayn took a deep breath “ you don’t Have to go to the house.. we can rent a place away from the crowded city, and we can tell him it’s a vacation for both of you, you had to send Tom to your sisters or something..”

Louis was listening “ do you think he will believe it?”

Zayn shrugged “ let’s try..”

The doctor said “ we told him he fell down and he had a concussion.. He barely believed it but he did.. So it’s okay if you find him trying to remember how did he fell or anything related to this.. also he might has some memories that he may not be able to understand , like remembering the people he met at those two years..”

Louis sighed , Zayn “ it’s gonna be hard but he deserves the risk “

Louis nodded, then the doctor said “ come here Mr Tomlinson.. there is a lot of things you need to know about his condition..”

*****  
Harry was putting his clothes out of his bag  
“ are sure we need this?”

Louis sighed “ for the million time Harry .. Yes we do, you deserve some time off.. I deserve some time off, it’s really okay.. enjoy the calmness"

Harry sighed and looked at the window, the place was so quiet “ it’s very quiet out there..”

Louis nodded trying to busy himself by putting his clothes in the closet

“ it’s just for couple of days..”

Harry nodded he then sat on the bed and looked at Louis “ are you okay Lou?”

Louis froze but he tried to act normal “ what do you mean?”

Harry just shrugged , and then he stood up “ I am gonna have a shower..”

Louis nodded watching him getting inside the bathroom “ aren’t you coming?” Harry Said from inside  
Louis took a moment to think clearly “ no.. I... Will make you some hot tea"

Harry didn’t answer and Louis walked outside the room avoiding any other invitation.

Ever since they left the hospital and Harry was trying to touch Louis somehow , he was trying to hug him , to kiss him , but every time he got close, Louis tensed and pulled away, he knew that Harry started to notice.

The house was very good, very neat, it belonged to Zayn, it was at a calm area .It was warm ,neat, and comfy. And most important It wasn't far from the hospital.

Louis made them the tea, he poured the hot water and some how he was caught by the memories, it was hard for him too. Everyone was afraid about Harry, was worried about his feelings , his emotions, everyone wanted Louis to stay strong , to help Harry, to watch over him. But no one knew how hard it was for Louis, it was hard and scary, it was heart-breaking, and it was too much for Louis. For the last two years he hadn’t been with Harry for more than an hour, how about living with him pretending that everything was okay again. Nothing was okay.

“ earth to Louis” Harry said from behind. Louis turned his back and looked at Harry, his heart wrenched .  
Harry was there , okay, smiling at his face, and yet , he wasn’t Harry, he wasn’t okay.

Louis smiled “ I made you the tea..”

Harry nodded and walked to sit beside him on the table “ the water is amazing.. I kinda wished that you would share me"

Louis smiled , he looked at Harry and he seemed disappointed “ I will.. later..”

Harry nodded , he took a sip of his tea “ I want to call Tom..”

Louis’s heart skipped a beat “ yeah.. But we can’t baby.. I told you about his camping"

Harry groaned “ I know.. But he is just five.. why all this restrictions?”

“ you know to prepare them”

“ for what"

Louis swallowed his tears, it hurt him to talk about his late son this way, as If he was alive, Louis closed his eyes and then he sighed, he felt Harry’s hand on his , he opened his eyes and looked at Harry  
“ are you okay?”

Louis stared at his eyes , then he looked down “ no, no just headache.. I mean you do realize how stressed and worried I was about you"

Harry nodded but he said nothing, again Louis felt he was disappointed, Louis knew Harry wanted more, he started to suspect Louis but he couldn’t do anything about it, he couldn’t control it. It was hard.

The rest of the day went smoothly, Harry was talking as usual about anything he remembered he read recently, by recently it meant two years ago. Louis made sure that Harry wouldn't check any newspapers, didn't get near any laptop, cell phone , anything that might give him a clue about the date they were in.

Louis wasn’t sure that the plan would actually work, he was afraid that one day Harry might get so sceptical and look for any clue and then every thing crash. It never happened.

First three days were okay, Harry was getting better, he was asking about the bruises on his body and Louis was telling him it was a quite a fall he had. Harry believed him, the bruises were fading away anyway.

Louis wasn’t sleeping at all, he was stealing a few hours from time to time, he was scared that if he slept something terrible could happen.  
****

When Louis opened his eyes he didn’t feel Harry beside him on the bed. His heart dropped. He sat bolt up right and looked around him, no sign for Harry.

He left his bed and he ran outside down to the kitchen , no one was there, okay he was panicking now.

Then he heard some noises coming from the porch , he headed towards it and there was Harry, reading a book and drinking some thing.

“ you are up early?” Louis asked trying to sound steady as much as he could.

Harry looked at him, he closed the book and he nodded, Louis sat beside him and he felt there was something wrong with Harry.

“ are you okay?”

Harry shrugged “ couldn’t sleep"

Louis was getting anxious again “ why?”

Harry sighed “ I don’t know..”

Louis nodded “ why didn’t you wake me up"

Harry took a deep breath “ I couldn’t.. you were finally sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you up..”

“ oh Harry you should..”

“ why?”

Louis was surprised , was he that obvious “ to take care of you..you just came out of hospital” Louis tried.

Harry nodded “ I don’t need this..”

Louis didn’t talk at the start “ what is this?”

Harry left his seat “ this.. this house.. this calmness... I don’t see anyone , no one sees me, I don’t call anyone..no one is calling me.. and you..”

He then stopped

Louis was officially panicking but he tried to remain calm “ I am here , I talk to you..”

Harry shook his head “ no you aren’t.. you aren’t here, you barely talk to me, you barely touch me.. you don’t sleep, you don’t eat.. you keep watching me from distance waiting”

“ waiting for what?”

Harry was angry “I don’t know.. I wish I did.. But you treating me as if I was made of glass..” 

“ you were in hospital..”

“ I am fine.” He yelled , then he looked at Louis “ I m fine, I feel fine.. But.. I feel there is something missing.. I keep having this dream..”

Louis froze “ what dream?”

Harry shook his head “ it doesn’t matter"

“ everything matters Harry”

Harry looked at him “ why are you locking me here?”

Louis shook his head “ I am not locking you.. I thought.. I thought we need this.. we need to clear our minds..you were okay with this"

He nodded “ I was.. because I thought it will bring us together.. But you are barely here with me.. are you cheating on me"

Louis was shocked, he didn’t talk

Harry closed his eyes “ please , answer me"

Louis left his seat and he walked towards Harry “ no, I am not , of course I am not Harry.. how could you ask me that"

Harry looked at Louis' eyes “ what are you protecting me from? You are scared Lou.. I thought you were scared from me.. But you’re not, you are scared about me"

Louis looked at Harry and for a second he was about to tell him everything, but he finally shook his head

“ I am not .. there is nothing to be scared of, you are here you are okay, everything is fine..”

Harry finally looked down. LOUIS sighed “ if you want us to leave then we leave"

Harry looked at him “ really?”

Louis nodded but he had no idea what he was doing .  
Harry took a deep breath , he then walked and sat on his seat again .

Louis was still watching him, Harry was looking down  
“ I keep seeing a dog.. Doberman black dog.. and I feel like I know him, I see him running by my side .. I see myself running by the sea..”

Louis was watching Harry, he couldn’t talk, it wasn’t a dream , it was a memory. Harry was seeing his dog, Alby.

The good dog that was killed that night.

Harry looked at him and said “ I called him Alby"


	14. Chapter 14

After that conversation with Harry, Louis started to lose his mind, he was nervous all the time and he couldn’t control it anymore. He called Zayn and asked him to come and spend sometime with them.

Zayn thought it was a bad idea but he did it anyway.  
Once Zayn arrived , Louis needed some time alone. He also needed to clear his mind, to stop pretending , it hurt him so much seeing Harry like this, lost and disoriented, he missed old Harry, he even missed mute Harry , but this one made him feel like he was on the edge, anything wrong could destroy him forever. Harry might kill himself, he kept reminding himself .

Harry was sitting with Zayn on the kitchen table, they were drinking some hot drink , Zayn was telling him about the work at the hospital and Harry was barely listening.

“ you are not listening Harry?” Zayn finally said after seeing Harry zooning out.

Harry looked at him “ I do"

“ you don’t”

Harry sighed and looked down, Zayn “ what is wrong? What is in your mind?”

Harry chuckled “ nothing is in my mind"

Zayn sighed “ Harry.. Tell me"

Harry shrugged “ I am telling you.. nothing is in my mind.. I try to remember and I find nothing.. like everything is just kept away from me.. I keep having those dreams, I don’t know what they're trying to tell me"

Zayn looked at him concerned “ what dreams Harry?”

Harry looked at him “ you hide things too"

Zany frowned “ what are you talking about?”

Harry shook his head “ he panicked like you.. When I told him about the dreams..”

Zayn tried hesitantly “ I didn’t panic.. it just .. it happens when you lose your memory some times it gets to you in the form of dreams"

Harry nodded looking down again, Zayn “ were they good dreams?”

Harry didn’t look at him “ you hide things too"

“ God Harry.. what are you trying to do ?”

Harry looked at him angrily “ understand..”

He left his seat “ I am trying to fucking understand.. I lost my memory.. and it’s not for a week or two.. I know what year we are in.. I know it has been two fucking years Zayn”

Zayn turned pale, he couldn’t talk, Harry was still looking at him “ don’t worry, it’s all I know”

Zayn tried to control himself “ it’s okay.. what do you want to know? I will tell you"

Harry looked at him “ everything.. But I know you will lie or try to hide things like him. He has been avoiding me ever since we got here, He is not sleeping , he is not talking, He is not even touching me and I tried .. many times but he just keep making excuses. is he cheating on me? Are we okay now ? I mean not two years ago? "

Zayn swallowed his fear and Harry saw it, Harry sighed panicking “ oh God, we aren’t”

Zayn looked at Harry “ come, sit back"

Harry didn’t move, Zayn tried again “ I will tell you what you want.. just sit" Harry finally took a deep breath and sat, he then looked at Zayn.

“ I don’t want to lie.. I want to tell you all the truth, okay? "

Harry nodded “ but?”

“ you are not gonna like it..” Harry frowned , Zayn continued “ those two years weren’t easy on anyone of you two, there has been a lot of arguments.. a lot of fights. He wasn’t.. you didn’t want him in your life anymore..”

“ what" Harry gasped. 

Zayn nodded “ he wasn’t cheating But things got complicated and you weren't dealing perfectly with the new circumstances.. you separated"

Harry looked again at him shockingly , Zayn nodded “ you .. He tried to see you a lot But it wasn’t working.. so eventually he did what you wanted"

“ what I wanted?”

“ divorce"

Harry gasped “ oh my God.. are we divorced.”

“ no" it was Louis who answered.

Harry and Zayn looked at him, Louis was standing at door , he walked in , face was pale, but he was focusing on Harry “ we aren’t, you didn’t sign the paper"

Harry was in tears now “ what happened between us?”

Louis also was in tears “ a lot..”

He then looked at Zayn “ I can’t tell you"

Harry looked at both of them “ I need to know"

Zayn shook his head “ we will tell you But not now.. now you need to heal.. okay"

“ I am okay “

Louis looked at him “ please Harry.. just give it some time"

“ how? You are scaring me, I need to know what happened, how things turned like this between us?  
I asked for a divorce? What did you do"

Louis looked down, Harry was extremely angry now “ God Damn it answer me"

But Louis didn’t, he was still not looking at him, then Harry looked at Zayn “ if you are not gonna tell me then I am gone from here.. I don’t need to stay any longer I need to go to my home"

He gave them his back and he rested himself on the kitchen counter , he was crying and he wasn’t calming down.

Louis took a few steps closer to him, he put his hand on his shoulder “ I don’t wanna hurt you"

Harry cried harder, Louis squeezed his shoulder softly , but Harry shook his head and rushed outside the kitchen, he ran to the bathroom and he locked himself inside.

Louis looked at Zayn “ what were you thinking? I thought I could rely on you"

Zayn looked down “ he was angry .. He thought we were hiding things, Then he told me he knew about what year we are in"

Louis shocked “ how?”

Zayn shrugged “ I don’t know.. I panicked okay.. But obviously it was all he knows..”

Louis sighed “ now what?”

“ I guess what we did might help him to try harder..”

Louis looked at Zayn “ what if he rememberes Zayn? What if he remembers about Tom? What can I do"

Zayn chewed his gum “ tell him the truth.. Tell him what happened”

“ I can’t”

“ why?”

Louis cried “ it hurts.. I can’t live through this again Zayn.. do you realize how hard it is for me"

Zayn was a really shocked , Louis wiped his tears away “ I .. He was my son too, I buried him Zayn  
.. alone. He died because of me"

Zayn shook his head “ stop.. don’t say this"

“ but it’s the truth. it was all my fault, everyone knows that"

Zayn shook his head “ it wasn’t.. you can’t blame yourself for this"

Louis sighed “ but I do.. that night..” he closed his eyes “ I never forget that night , how terrified I  
was, I mean.. at the start I wasn’t focusing on Tom it was just Harry , But when everything was over.  
When I saw him in the morgue..”

Zayn rushed and hugged him tightly “ please stop"  
Zayn whispered

Louis cried on Zayn's shoulder “ now you all want me to remember, to live through all of this again..  
I know it’s my fault and I am trying really hard to save him . I am trying but I am scared"

Then he pulled away , he wiped his tears again looked down “ I am scared that I can’t save him this time Zayn"

Zayn wiped his tears too “ I’m sorry Lou..”

Louis nodded “ I know"

“ but you have to do it"

“ I know"

Zayn put his hand again on louis' shoulder .

****

When Zayn finally left, Louis had to go and check on Harry, he knew Harry was asleep but he needed to make sure he was sleep safely.

He sat on the bed beside Harry, Harry didn’t move, so he was sleeping. Louis lied his body beside him , he looked at the ceiling and he sighed . He needed to feel fine too, he needed to feel safe again.

Harry was the one that made him feel safe and now Harry wasn’t the man for it.

He looked at Harry, breathing in and out steadily , he wanted to touch him, he wanted to hug him , he couldn’t. But he needed to .

He reached his hand and he put it on Harry’s shoulder, then he found himself moving and hugging Harry, his head buried in Harry’s curls, he was crying and he didn’t try to stop himself, he was fucked up for good this time, even he killed Clarkson , but Clarkson made sure that Louis lose everything before he died.

Louis' body was shaking , he was sobbing hard, and Harry let him, he was awake but he didn’t move, he didn’t disturb Louis.

And suddenly Harry remembered seeing Louis got shot in the chest.  
******

Louis wake up before Harry the next morning, he left the bed so slowly not to wake him up, he was afraid to face him after their last conversation, and he was sure that Harry was doing his best now to remember anything. And that was really scary.

He took his hot shower while thinking of multiple scenarios that he would do when Harry remembers.   
But every one ended badly in his mind that he became sure it will end horribly in real life. Louis wasn’t a man with words, he gets nervous easily and his mind freezes in tough situations.

So he basically couldn’t form any words to say to Harry when Harry finds out about Tom.

Louis was in His pants , and he was about to wear his shirt when he heard “ what are those?” it was Harry.

Louis looked behind him and Harry was standing right there looking at Louis' chest with wide eyes full of dread.

Louis looked at what Harry was looking at , nothing seemed weird , some chest he had since he was born, same scars, same hair.

Then he looked at Harry confused , but Harry's eyes were glassy now , Louis's heart dropped “ what is it?”

Harry touched louis' chest, then his fingers moved through his scars , Louis closed his eyes understanding, for him those scars were too old, for Harry they were brand new.

“ this?” Harry whispered.

Louis opened his eyes “ it’s.. bullets wounds"

Harry nodded still watching them “ what happened?”

And no, what happened shouldn’t be told, those were the wounds that Harry believed Louis was dead with, Those were the reason Harry stopped talking. When he believed that Louis was killed in front of his eyes.

“ you can’t ask me this Harry.. I am an officer”

Harry nodded “ so .. this was one of your missions?”

Louis nodded hating to lie , Harry then looked at Louis’s eyes , and Louis knew he was begging for the truth

“ was I.. were we together when this happened? Was I there for you?”

Louis sighed, he took Harry’s hand and he looked at him smiling “ it happened long time ago"

Harry closed his eyes and Louis saw the tears fall freely on his cheeks , Louis' heart ached  
“ why are you crying?”

Harry shook his head and then he took few steps away

“ what happened to me?” he asked Louis hopelessly , he knew louis wasn't answering that but he asked anyway.

Louis was watching Harry , he felt panic started to rise gain in his chest “ what do you mean?”

Harry looked at Louis “ I know there was something wrong with me. I know something happened , something bad happened to me"

Louis was still looking at him scared, Harry continued “ my body is covered with old scars too..  
scars that I don’t remember having , I don’t know if I made an accident or hit by a car.. But I know it was bad"

Louis looked down trying to hide his nervousness, Harry was watching him  
“ or someone hurt me"

It was when Louis snapped his head up looking at Harry, and he found Harry was looking back at him.  
Harry then asked  
“ someone did this to me, right?”

Louis shook his head, then he looked at Harry “ I .. I wish I can help you Harry”

“ but you can..” Harry whispered

Louis shook his head , eyes turned glassy too  
“ no , I can’t.. if I tell you, if you know everything now .. I am not sure what will happen”

Harry moved closer “ I am ready.. please Louis.. have mercy on me"

“ oh Harry “ Louis cried after that. He cried hard that Harry pulled him to his chest and hugged him tight

“ it’s killing me Lou and you hiding things from me scares me a lot, I mean we are almost divorced”

Louis tried to calm himself now, he knew how Harry was feeling but also he was scared, Harry might try to kill himself, he reminded himself again.

He pulled away , he looked at Harry “ I can’t speak Harry”

“ I know..”

“ but you will remember.. and when you do.. I will be here I won't leave you , you don’t have to go through it alone .. I Promise”

Harry looked at Louis deeply in the eye, then he nodded his head and looked down. He took a deep breath and lift his side

“ how about breakfast?”

Louis tried to smile, he knew Harry gave up but for now

“ sounds good..”

Harry nodded and he left the bathroom .

******  
Louis finally controlled himself, he went down stairs to Harry. Harry was waiting in the kitchen, sitting on the table and plates filled with food were in front of him.

When he saw Louis, he smiled and he stood up  
“ here you are"

Louis moved closer looking at the plates on the table, he then looked at Harry “ you did this all?”

Harry nodded and he moved to press the kettle , Louis was still surprised

“ when? Did I take this long?”

Harry smiled “ luckily I still remember how to use my superpowers"

Louis laughed and sat, then Harry poured the hot water in the two cups, and he took them and gave Louis his cup, then he stood in front of Louis.

Louis was already eating the famous scrambled egg he adored the most. Harry started to eat too.

Louis smiling wide  
“ it’s delicious..”

Harry looked at Louis “ I know you love it..”

“ I do..”

Then Louis left his fork and took a sip of his tea, when Harry noticed that Louis was barely eating, he put his fork down too

“ you are not eating”

Louis looked at him “ no I do eat.. it just.. this reminds me of the old days"

Harry nodded and looked at the food “ yeah.. it reminds me of last week.. except no Tom"

Louis bit his lower lip at the name of Tom  
“ God I miss him so much..” Harry whispered.

Louis's hands was shaking, he tried his best to hold his tears back, he really tried.

Louis finally decided to leave the table , Harry looked at him shocked and confused  
“ what’s wrong..”

Louis refused to look at him “ I .. I need to make this call.. I will be right back"

And he stormed out the kitchen knowing that Harry's eyes were still on him.

Louis left the whole house, he squeezed his phone in his hand while opening the door and he stopped in front of the house looking at the door , he called Harry’s doctor .

“ yes doctor it’s Louis.. yeah , yes he is fine.. I am not..”

He then sighed and took a few steps away “ I have to tell him please.. let me help him"

He closed his eyes hearing what the doctor was saying “ but he is not remembering anything.. When?”   
then he sighed “ I can’t stand another week... it’s very exhausting” he closed his eyes in pain “ I know I know.. I will do anything for him .. But he is losing his mind.. He can’t remember and it’s killing him.. God he believes Tom is out there" then he snapped his head at the door worried that Harry might was there hearing him, he wasn’t. “ it has to be something else.. it’s killing both of us..”

then he looked down “ okay.. okay.. fine.. bye"

Louis took a deep breath, his hands were still shaking and he wanted all this to end, he wanted to help Harry and he wanted Harry to know the truth break down in his arms and then he knew he will be there this time, he will try and fix things this time.

When Louis returned inside the house, he found Harry still sitting on his chair, he looked at Louis and then he smiled and said

“ how about another cup of tea?”

Louis understood what Harry was trying to do, at that exact moment Harry wanted peace, he wanted to pretend that everything was okay. That everything was fine. Louis went on with him , he could get used to peace too.

The rest of the day went smoothly, nothing was wrong, no fights, no begging from Harry, nothing. They talked about the public news, not about themself, not about their past, Harry wanted to know a lot of things and Louis was giving him the news happily, Harry was surprised to hear about the new elections, about the new president of America, he even asked Louis about his favourite football team ( Liverpool) and he was listening to Louis who was talking excitedly about the new player MO Salah .

At the night, Louis was surprised to find Harry making some pop corn, and when he moved to the living room, he saw the TV was on, he returned back to the kitchen

“ what are you doing?” Louis asked

Harry looked at him , he was holding the pop corn “ pop corn?”

“ why?”

“ we are watching a movie... there are plenty of them.. so why not"

Louis nodded , Harry walked passing him out of the kitchen towards the living room.  
“ come on Lou.. I am not gonna wait"

Louis sighed and headed to the living room,  
“ what are we watching?”

Harry holding a DVD in his hand “ the avengers .. last movie.. or I don’t know it’s something I didn’t see"

Louis nodded and sat, Harry played the movie and sat beside him , he took the popcorn and he started to eat  
“ Liam called..”

Louis looked at him “ really when?”

Harry still looking at the screen “ when you were having your shower.. He says he is coming tomorrow to spend the day with us"

Louis nodded “ that’s sound good"

Harry didn’t talk, Louis looked at him “ are you okay with this?”

Harry looked at him frowning “ you mean Liam? Yeah sure..” Louis nodded and didn’t talk.

Harry put the popcorn on the table again , he sighed then he said “ I remembered something”

Louis froze for a second, then he cleared his throat  
“ what?”

Harry looked at him “ I don’t know what it was exactly.. memory or my mind is playing with me..”

Louis nodded “ okay tell me"

Harry took a deep breath “ I was running again by the sea.. and that dog “ Alby" was running by my side.. Then I saw you sitting at the front door stairs of some beautiful house by the sea..I think it’s my house, right?”

Louis nodded, Harry “ and the dog is my dog?”

Louis nodded again, Harry nodded “ so .. I live in this house by myself ?” Louis wasn’t sure what this as leading to, but he nodded anyway .

Harry nodded thinking, but eventually he nodded and Said nothing. Instead he rested his back on the back of the couch and looked at the screen again. He remained like this till the rest of the movie, pretending. Louis knew Harry was pretending watching the movie, his body was there but his mind was somewhere else. Louis was scared to ask , he felt helpless watching Harry this way, butt he did nothing.  
Once the movie ended, Harry stood and he said  
“ I will go to sleep"

Louis nodded but he asked when Harry was about to leave “ are you okay"

Harry didn’t turn to face Louis, he just nodded “ yeah sure" Then he left to his room.

Louis stayed for another two hours before he went to sleep too, he found Harry was sleeping deeply, somehow he got relieved at least Harry sounded okay. He lied down beside Harry , he looked at him watching his chest raising up and falling down, he looked at the ceiling above him, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to sleep.

****  
Next morning , when Louis opened his eyes, he was alone on the bed. Harry was no where around in the room.

He left his bed and walked down stairs no sign for Harry, not in the kitchen, not in the living, not in the porch no where. He looked at the place where the car was parking, and the car was vanished. Shit . Harry took the car and left. But where ? Louis' heart dropped and he felt his legs couldn’t move . He stayed froze there afraid to even think. He admitted now that Harry was weird after the last memory he told Louis about, and now he as sure there was more. He might kill himself again , he reminded himself .


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter everyone.. I hope you like it

Louis was pacing in front of the house, his Phone was squeezed in his hand and he was literally losing his mind.

Once he saw the black car coming closer to him, he stormed towards it, opened the door and got inside.

He looked at Liam who was driving  
“ move"

Liam was looking at him “ where? Did you know anything?”

Louis shook his head nervously “ no, nothing, I called everyone I know, no one saw him no one heard anything from him...” he said frantically.

Liam stopped the car at the side of the road ,Louis almost yelled “ don’t fucking stop"

“ Calm down"

Louis yelled “ don’t tell me to calm down..”

Liam copied him “ but you have to calm down so we can think..”

Louis stayed silent , he looked down then said “ you don’t understand how terrible this is.. I might lose him Liam.. this time for real"

Liam looked at him “ what do you mean?”

Louis sighed “ he tried to kill himself last year and he failed” liam gasped, Louis continued “ his doctor said if he remembered everything all at once he might collapse..” then he covered his eyes with his hands and he cried.

Liam put his hand on Louis's thigh and he squeezed softly “ he is gonna be okay"

“ we don’t know that..”

“ I hope that.. okay what do you think happened.. do you think he remembered? I mean what were you talking about lately? "

Louis put his hand down and looked at Liam shocked “ oh God.. I guess I know where he is" Liam looked at him confused but he was ready.

******

Liam was driving his car and Louis was sitting beside him biting his nails. Louis' phone rang and he looked at it

He sighed  
“ it’s Zayn"

Liam nodded “ pick up"

Louis answered “ yes Zayn..”

“ anything?” first word Zayn said.

Louis shook his head “ no, nothing.. But I might know where he is..”

“ where?”

“in his house"

Silence then “ you mean his sea house?”

“ the one and only.. He remembered it last night , he asked me and I told him it was his house.. so maybe he remembered..”

“ it’s too far away.. where are you now?”

“ I will be there at night"

“ okay.. I will go and have a look, I am closer"

“ okay tell me if you find anything..”

He hanged up and put the phone beside him. Liam looked at him and said  
“ what else he remembered?”

Louis closed his eyes “ his dog.. But I didn’t tell him he was killed"

Liam nodded sadly “ was a good dog"

Louis nodded too “ yeah.. Harry loved him so much..”

Then Louis opened his eyes “ I am so scared Liam..”

Liam looked at him, Louis “ what if he remembered Tom? What if he tried to hurt himself again?"

“ no stop thinking this way.. He will be okay ..”

Louis shook his head “ nothing will be okay Liam.. nothing”

Then he rubbed his face with his hands “ just when? When all this ends? It’s killing me"

Liam said “ I know.. But it will be over soon.. I know, I feel it" 

Louis nodded he knew his friend was only trying to calm him down, then Liam looked in front again “ did they find Clay?”

Louis looked at him surprised, ever since the rescue mission and no one said a word about what happened  
“ no"

Liam nodded, Louis “ what?”

Liam shrugged “ nothing.. I just.. I thought I saw him two days ago"

Louis' heart was beating fast “ where?”

“ I was visiting my sister at the suburb .. I thought I saw him I am not sure"

Louis sighed and he looked down “ I should tell Nick"

Liam nodded “ maybe..”

They remained silent for another hour, then again Louis phone rang again, he answered immediately “ Zayn?”

“ he is not here..”

Louis huffed in frustration, Zayn “ but I guess he was here... have you moved any photo from it’s place?”

Louis’s heart skipped a beat “ no...”

Zayn sighed “ fuck.. Louis.. I think he remembered about Tom"

*****

Liam parked the car in front of the cemetery, Louis jumped out almost immediately, it was already dark, it was raining, and it was freezing, he could barely see anything.

He ran amongst the graves followed by Liam, and when he reached his son grave he froze.

Harry was there.

Harry was sitting in front of his son grave, and even from a distance Louis could see how Harry’s body was shaking, and Louis couldn’t move. He was scared to move.

Harry was burying his face between his knees, and it cause a heartache. Slowly Louis walked and he sat beside Harry , he whispered Harry’s name, but Harry said nothing.

Louis tried again but with a touch this time, Harry startled and yanked his body away from Louis touch and no, did he start to panic again.

Harry was looking at Louis, and Louis didn’t know was he crying or it was just the rain.

“ it’s me" Louis said.

Harry was still looking at Louis eyes open wide “ I had to see myself..” then he looked at his son grave. Louis swallowed hard and he also looked at the grave.

“ he is dead Lou..” Harry said crying.

Louis nodded and he was crying too, Harry sobbed  
“ my little boy.. He .. He is dead"

It was when Louis hugged him tight, Harry was crying hard now, he buried his face in Louis's chest and Louis realized it was the first time since two years that they cried their son together.

Louis cried too, he rested his head on Harry’s head and he cried. When he looked beside him he saw liam was still there and Zayn standing beside him. They both looked in tears too. Louis looked at his husband again and he hugged him tightly, he tried to calm Harry and Harry wasn’t calming down. It took him two hours and finally Harry stopped crying.

********  
Louis and Harry were in Louis' car, they decided to get back to the house by the sea, and Liam and Zayn had to go home , it was getting late and they promised to come to see them first thing in the morning.

When Louis and Harry arrived home, Harry didn’t talk, as if he became mute again. He walked to the bathroom, he locked the door behind him, and louis' heart dropped, few minutes later he heard the shower and somehow he could breath again, although it meant nothing normal but he relieved.

It was fifteen minutes later when Harry was out of the bathroom, wrapped by a towel around his waist , he headed to the bed room followed by Louis, he didn’t miss how Harry looked panic for a second when he looked at the bed, but he moved to his closet and put a pair of pants, a boxer and hoodie, then he put another set and he gave them to Louis.

Louis took them and then he excused himself to the bathroom , when he locked the door , it was like his mind started to work again. He had to do lots of things, he needed a shower as he was freezing, he needed to call the doctor and tell him what happened, he needed to feed Harry, and he knew there was no food in the house, he had to go to buy some groceries, and he also needed to watch Harry and to give him his medicine. Yeah lots of things.

When he went out of the bathroom five minutes later, he didn’t find Harry in the bedroom, he ran downstairs almost tripped while getting inside the kitchen, it was where Harry was sitting and drinking something hot.

When he saw Louis he didn’t say a word, his eyes were still red, and puffy . He looked so exhausted and about to collapse , but instead he stood up and he poured Louis some hot water in the cup , and then he gave the cup to Louis and sat back , Louis took the cup still watching Harry and then he also sat in front of him.

Harry took a sip from his drink, and so as Louis , it wasn’t tea, it was something from Harry’s combination, it tasted good but Louis said nothing.

“ I don’t remember everything..” Harry started.

Louis looked at him and waited, Harry “ I just saw his grave in my mind .. and I knew it, I felt it in my heart you know" he looked at Louis, and of course Louis knew, that knot in his heart he feels every time he remembers his son. That becomes bigger and tighter with time.

“ what happened.. what happened to me"

Louis closed his eyes, Harry “ please.. I am sure there is nothing worse than losing my son”

Louis looked at him again “ your doctor said-"

“ screw him... God please give me mercy. I am in so much pain. I need to know what happened..” he snapped

“I can’t..”

“ why?” he yelled

“ cause you will hate me again"

Harry looked at him eyes opened wide “ never. I will never hate you"

“ but you did, you hated me , you wanted a divorce Harry .. you couldn’t stand seeing me without panicking and it killed me.. “

Harry looked down, he closed his mouth, then he put his hand on his notebook and then he put it in front of Louis

“ what is this?”

Louis looked at it , and then at Harry  
“ you don’t remember this?”

Harry shook his head “ I know it’s my hand writing”

Louis looked at the notebook again and then he nodded  
“ it’s yours..”

“ why? I mean I tried to read it but I didn’t understand”

Louis nodded he looked at Harry “ okay you want to know the truth?”

Harry sighed pleading , he begged Louis by his eyes and soul and everything.

Louis nodded “ okay.. But you have to promise me something”

Harry nodded , Louis looked at his eye “ you will never try to hurt yourself..”

Harry looked at him confused, Louis “ just promise ..”

Harry nodded “ okay.. okay I promise”

******

“ it happened two years ago" Louis started ignoring everything Harry’s doctor said, he made his mind, he would tell Harry the whole truth.

Harry was sitting right in front of him, he stopped crying and looked stronger, he was as ready as he thought he could be, together they knew they were playing with fires , once Harry knows there was no turning back.

“ it was a regular call.. there was a gun fire at some night club.. we were close Bryan and I , we went there and it was big deal..” he sighed while he remembered that awful night, the beginning of the end.

“ there were lots of gun fires.. they were almost ten fighting each other and when we arrived they were fighting us"

Harry was nervous when he was listening, Louis noticed so he skipped lots of parts and then he said “ we called for support and we started to deal with them, we were at the street and there was a large chance for hurting innocents"

He closed his eyes “ they shot Bryan .. and when I saw him on the ground. I lost it and I shot large number of them.. killed three"

Harry gasped , and his eyes were opened wide, Louis opened his eyes “ they killed Bryan "

“ oh God..” Harry whispered, he put his hand on Louis “ I am so sorry..”

Louis looked at the hand and then at Harry “ we were still together Harry, you were there for me.. I wasn’t okay .. and you took good care of me"

Harry nodded still looking at Louis's hand. He squeezed softly.

“ I thought it was over.. When the help came and we arrested the rest.. But it was the beginning”

Harry looked at him frowning, Louis continued “ one of the men I killed that night was the son of the biggest mafia's boss .. I don't regret killing him he was the one who killed Bryan but.. His father became crazy”

He looked at Harry “ Mark Clarkson..”

And he waited for any recognition from Harry , but Harry was the same , he didn’t flinch he didn’t gasp, he was the same. Louis knew he was still not remembering.

“ I had to protect you and Tom and I had to send you away , you lost your mind we fought a lot back then.. you as a doctor refused to drop your work and I was losing my mind trying to protect you, all he wanted was revenge and it were only the two of you that mattered to me"

Louis stopped talking, thinking of the fear he lived through these days, the fights with Harry , the worries.  
“ it took us three months .. and finally you refused the situation, you took Tom and you returned  
home"

He then looked down “ and then it happened”

After a moment of complete silent, Harry asked “ what exactly happened?”

Louis wiped his tears eyes, it was when Harry understood that something was wrong.  
“ what?”

Louis took a deep breath “ they got you.. they kidnapped you Harry and they tortured you badly..” 

Harry was still looking at Louis, and Louis wished that he could read minds.

Louis said “ I saved you.. But it was too late, the damage was already done"

Harry looked down “ what happened to Tom?”

Louis didn’t say a word, Harry looked at him “ no..”

Louis snapped his head up at Harry, did he remember  
“ is this how he died? They .. he.. oh God did he killed him?”

Louis couldn’t control it anymore, he cried, he covered his eyes and sobbed “ I am so sorry.. it was my fault”

he never expected saying what happened to Harry will affect him this way.

Suddenly he felt he was embraced by Harry, then he wrapped his arms around him crying on his shoulder .

Harry rubbed his back softly “ it was not your fault..” Harry Said with a broken voice, he was also trying to hold back his tears.

Louis pulled away looking at Harry shockingly, Harry was crying but he was strong, awkwardly strong.

Harry shook his head again “ it’s not your fault..”

“ you.. “ then he looked down and stopped .

Harry sat beside him and then he held his hand “ then what?”

Louis shook his head, Harry squeezed his hand “ I need to know.. I can’t remember anything” he begged again.

Louis looked at Harry’s eyes, Harry nodded assuring  
“ I will be fine"

Louis shook his head “ but you weren’t Harry.. you were traumatized, you stopped talking.. and every time I got near you, you panicked”

Harry frowned “ what !"

Louis looked at the notebook

“ that’s why you communicated through this.. you refused to talk Harry and it was awful” Harry looked at the notebook, Louis couldn’t explain that look he carried.

“ why?”

Louis sighed “ you saw.. “ he tried to control his voice “ you saw them killing Tom.. Then you saw them shooting me"

Harry gasped and squeezed his eyes shut, he pressed louis hand tightly and Louis looked at him shockingly

“ do you remember?” he asked nervously 

Harry was still closing his eyes, then “ I remember something.. you were shot on the chest" Louis was still watching him, then Harry opened his eyes and looked at Louis .

Louis nodded “ they shot me in front of you.. and you thought I was also dead, after saving you , you refused to believe that I was alive and every time I got near you some how you panicked. So finally your therapist asked me to stop seeing you"

Harry's eyes were full of tears now , Louis was watching him

“ I tried to help you Harry.. But you didn’t want my help, you couldn’t see me without panicking and losing your conscious, and it killed me, I mean it made me feel like I lost both of you .. I tried to see you despite what your doctor said.. But getting through your friends and sister was a struggle”

Harry wiped his tears , Louis continued “ Niall was the worst... actually he is still so overprotective.. and we kept fighting, I had to find a way to see you and to make sure you were okay"

He closed his eyes “ thanks God for Zayn.. He was understanding and he helped me seeing you from a distance.. you were still not talking to anyone.. nightmares were hunting you, then one day you decided to buy a new house by the sea..”

Harry nodded “ this house”

Louis nodded “ yes.. this house, it happened last year it was a part of your healing that what your therapist said, but I got panicked.. you would be alone and also far, so I bought you a dog and Zayn gave it to you..”

“ Alby?”

“ yes.. you called him Ably.. you loved him a lot , it was a very good dog"

Harry looked at him “ was?”

Louis sighed again “ yeah.. was, it was killed"

Harry frowned , Louis “ that night I thought I killed Clarkson.. But I didn’t, so last month he came after you again..”

Harry’s face turned pale, Louis “ I tried not to call you and not to communicate with you but it was hard Harry, so I gave you a call , and then another.. Then I begged Gemma to let me talk to you, she refused but she let me see you at her son's birthday, as usual you panicked .. and next thing you were at my house asking for a divorce”

Harry frowned again “ I did that?”

Louis nodded “ you were trying to be strong .. But you panicked and I asked Zayn to come and help.. and then few days later I got a Phone call from the supermarket that you were dealing with and he said that you had a panic attack and you asked him to call me, I rushed to you and got you home.. I think that’s how Clarkson knew where you were living, for the last two years I thought he was killed.. but he wasn't and they didn't let me know..so when you called me and told me that you saw Clarkson.. I was lost"

Harry nodded, Louis “ there was a guy .. I put in your protection, watch over you daily"

“ why?”

Louis shrugged “ I was worried about you Harry.. I wasn’t able to see you or to help you, I needed to know you were okay and the people around you didn’t let me"

Harry nodded “ where is he now?”

Louis chuckled “ he was the one who Clarkson used to get to you.. you were kidnapped again" Harry closed his eyes

Louis was looking at him “ I didn’t know that I put you in danger again.. But I saved your life again  
..”

Harry didn’t talk, didn’t open his eyes , then  
“ were you okay? How did you save me? Did they hurt you?”

Louis tried to smile, he was looking at his eyes “ it doesn’t matter..”

Harry opened his eyes “ I can’t remember anything Louis..”

Louis nodded “ I know.. I don’t know if I want you remember or not, but I am scared Harry, are you okay?”

Harry shrugged “ I don’t know.. it’s too much"

Louis nodded “ you tried to kill yourself”

Harry looked at him shockingly, Louis nodded “ you did, Zayn was the one who saved you, please Don’t do it again"

“ I can’t remember” Harry said tears filled his eyes now. He looked at Louis “ I can’t.. I am trying but it’s like .. blackness there, I can’t find anything, I can’t remember Louis”

“ your doctor says it will get to you"

Harry looked at him “ I don’t want them back, I.. I don’t want to be that person again .. I am scared of these memories Louis what if.. what happens to me if I remember? Will I panic again? Damn I tried to kill myself?”

Louis didn’t answer , he didn’t know what to say anyway, he just held Harry's hand again, and he looked at him

“ all I know is I will be there, I won’t leave your side no matter what happens Harry .. I will stay and I will watch over you"

Harry nodded still crying “ I don’t want the divorce”

Louis smiled “ me too..”

Harry closed his eyes “ I am so sorry.. I am sorry that I caused you all this pain, I let your grief alone.. “ he then cried “ I still can’t believe he is gone"

Louis nodded, he bit his lower lip watching Harry “ I know.. I still can’t believe it too"

Harry sobbed , he covered his eyes with his other hand  
“ it hurts..”

Louis nodded “ I know baby.. together we will make it better.. I promise”

Harry looked at Louis “ is it over?”

“ what?”

“ Clarkson?”

Louis nodded “ he is dead.. I am sure he is dead this time"

Harry nodded “ good"

Louis sighed and then he said “ I quit"

Harry looked at him shocked, Louis shrugged “ I don’t wanna do this anymore.. I want to live safely and try to make it up for you..”

“ you can’t.. you love your work"

“ loved.. till it caused me my son's life.. and almost yours"

Harry nodded “ will you be happy?”

Louis looked at him in the eyes “ if I am with you.. Then I will be the happiest”

Harry smiled “ I love you Lou”

And with that Louis cried, he cried hard and he hugged Harry, Harry patted his hair , Louis said  
“ I thought I will never hear you say it again.. oh God I love you too"

He hugged him tighter and he kissed his neck.

Harry also was crying on his shoulder  
“ can we do it?”

“ we have to try"

Harry nodded “ I am scared"

“ I am here.. I will always be here..”

Harry nodded and they stayed like this for more minutes. Hugging , promising each other that they would never let go , they would always support each other .

******  
Three months later, Harry was sitting on front of his son grave again. Flowers in front of him, and a Book in his hand.

Harry was reading for him a story,

“ and they lived happily ever after" then he closed the book , he took a deep breath “ I think your papa slept again"

“ no I am not" said Louis who was sitting beside Harry.  
Harry looked at him smiling , Louis “ I just love hearing your voice.. I missed it a lot”

Harry nodded and looked in front again “ I am not getting it back Louis .. so don’t worry"

Louis looked at him surprised “ what does it mean?”

Harry sighed “ it has been three months and nothing changed.. can’t remember anything.. my therapist says..”

Louis interrupted “ I know what he says Harry and I don’t care, I want you okay and that what matters to me.. I know you don’t want to remember so why are you angry"

Harry shrugged “ I am not angry..”

“ then what?”

“ you are worried.. you are always worried about me.. I see it in your eyes..”

Louis smiled “ of course I am worried about you , you are my love..”

Harry sighed again, but said nothing, Louis “ okay.. I am sorry..”

“ don’t.. it’s not your fault, I understand how you feel Louis.. I mean I would be the same if I were in your shoe.. I understand those two Years were rough on you"

“ and you.. they were hard on you too Harry please, stop thinking this way. I am glad you are better and healthy again, you don’t Have to remember those memories . I told you everything I promise”

Harry looked down “ then stop"

Louis frowned in confusion, Harry looked at him “ stop watching me all the time. stop panicking every time I take longer in the shower.. or wake up before you or stop talking for a few minutes..”

Louis looked down , Harry “ please.. let’s forget this together. I wish I could make you forget too, I don’t know what you have been through but it’s also killing me “

Louis whispered “ I am sorry"

“ don’t apologize please.. I m here .. I am okay I will always be here. if I remember anything I promise you will be the first one to know. panicking or not I will tell you..”

Louis nodded , he held Harry’s hand “ I just don’t wanna lose you"

“ you won’t I swear you won’t”

Louis nodded and he looked at Harry “ okay I will try , I promise”

Harry smiled and then he looked at the grave “ do you hear that Tom.. He promised us"

Louis smiled , Harry then stood up “ okay . time to go..”

Louis “ where?”

Harry frowned “ it’s our anniversary, I am taking you for lunch..”

Louis smiled “ you will?”

Harry frowned “ aren’t I always ?”

He actually was. Louis looked down and nodded and then he stood up too following Harry who gave his son grave a kiss and then walked ahead.

Louis looked at the grave again while walking behind Harry and it was the first time he felt that he found peace, that he somehow accepted his son death. He looked at Harry who wAs in the car now , and once Louis was in he said

“ I found that restaurant it makes Turkish food.. I always wanted to try it..”

Louis smiled and looked in front listening to Harry talking about how many dishes he was going to ask, and about Harry’s friend who tried the Turkish food before and immediately fell in love with it.

He missed his voice, he missed him, it was really ironic because when Clarkson kidnapped Harry again, Louis thought it was the end, this was how they lose each other for good, he didn’t know it was only the beginning of Harry's healing. Although he was still worried that Harry might remember anything suddenly, but he made sure he would be there for him, he would support him and stay by his side . He won’t leave him suffer again. 

Harry already knew about his son , about the kidnapping, about the torture, so Louis loved to believe that if Harry remembered anything. it wouldn’t make by difference.

It wouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed

**Author's Note:**

> If you want me to post anyone of my other stories, send me


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